A
female
age
26-29,
*olid Maudlin
writes:Gah... how should I start this off... (I'm not so good at writing these haha...)well...Pretty much starting two years ago, I have been feeling ugly. Not only that, but I know I have gained a lot of weight and it shows, which makes me even uglier. I used to be tall, skinny and pretty, but then at one point, I seemed to suddenly stop growing any taller, so now here I am: short, fat, and ugly. I can't get guys anymore, or if I do happen to get one, he'd not too much later dump me from someone more beautiful. My own mother yells at me everyday about how ugly I am, but I usually wouldn't be bugged by it. It's that all the other students around me think it too. I'm not allowed to wear any makeup, and that makes things worse. The only time I've actually felt pretty was when I was wearing makeup. My mom says that I wear makeup "hideously" or "like a freak", so I'm not allowed to wear any. Some people look great in brown eyes, I don't. They don't look like chocolate, they look like poo. My skin is always breaking out with blemishes that won't go away for months, I have cellulite I don't even know how I got, very short fingers, and my face is so chubby that I just look like a really ugly little kid. People won't even talk to me. I never judge other people by how they look, but the rest of the world isn't like that. I'm tired of not getting the respect I deserve and not being able to find any love. The only people I am happy and comfortable with are my gay guy friends, because I can't get jealous of them for being prettier than I, and I can't get mad or jealous at their girlfriends. Those friends have been the only people that have made me happy, but I have recently moved to a much bigger school wherein I don't know a soul. I went to orientation thinking maybe I could make some friends who would actually want to hang around me, but I found that everyone already knew each other and had enough friends, or just didn't even want to look at me, let alone talk to me. People always talk laugh at me behind my back, and guys are always walking around, hugging and holding hands with their beautiful girlfriends, and it really hurts to see all of that. Oh, and another feature of my body - though I am fat, I am flatchested. Everywhere I go, I see little girls four or five years younger than I breasts bigger than mine. People mistake me for an ugly boy sometimes too because of that. I can't get some of the really nice shirts because I have no cleavage or anything to fill the extra fabric, so I'm left with an oversized-yet-my-size shirt, and I look ridiculous. I just want some help on how I can look better, keeping in mind I'm not allowed to do anything, no hair dyes, no makeup, no dressing to express the way I truly am, nothing. I don't want to cut my hair, it's the only feature about me that is somewhat decent. Please answer...I'm going to sleep now, so good night everyone.
View related questions:
breasts, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): Nothing will change if u worry. Everything will change for better if u try to b happy. Be patient. Believe in yourself. Your day will come for sure. Concentrate on education & school work only because what is the use if u turn pretty & remain a begger.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): hey, your mum just sounds jelous of you and wants to put her own daughter down because she has nothing better to do. if your saying your eyes are a "poo" colour doesnt that mean there a dark brown? and i wish i had dark brown eyes instead of the light brown i have now. if people are making harsh comments about your looks just turn around and say but least i arent ugly on the inside and walk away. just smile and get more confidence because by smileing it makes someone look beautiful. i bet your not overweight and if you are your bodys just growing and finding its shape, im not exactly a skinny girl but ive lived with people calling me harsh names and ive gotten over it and just made sure my personality wasnt ugly aswell as my apperance(but no ones apperance is ugly). next time someone says anything mean just laugh it off and make sure it doesnt show that it bothers you. just remember NO ONE is ugly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Okay,See the women on here are gonna be excellent at the serious physical advice.It is importnat that you realise that you are beautiful within you, learn to understand that what makes a person beautiful and attractive is 90% what you cannot see. Look for the points within your personality that people will, see, i.e, your funny, your smart, your outgoing etc, because throughout your life your body will change a lot but the person that you are deep down will remain fundamentally the same, by all means work on your physical but when you look in the mirror keep an eye on the woman within.I can only offer myself as an example, I look like Moto Moto but Ive learned to ive with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 Ok first things first, you are 13-15. You have just entered puberty and for the next few years, you will hate your body and the way you look, that is totally normal! It happens to all teenagers - when you hit puberty everything seems to go wrong with the way you look! Your body is out of proportion, your skin is a nightmare and you feel like everyone in the world is looking at how ugly you are. But the good news is - this doesnt last forever! When you get to around the age of 18, everything will fall into place!
I was totally like you when I was your age, up until about the age of 13 I was taller than most people and felt ok with the way I looked. Then one day, everyone seemed to grow and I was the small one (I am still only 5"3 now!). I got terrible spots, my school didnt let you wear make-up, I didnt know how to control my hair and I thought I was fat.
In reality my body was just changing and it looked out of proportion while I was changing. I used to get bullied about the way I looked and I thought I was going to be ugly all my life! Every girl in the school was prettier than me, and I hated school so much for that reason. But today, now I am 22 and I have no problem with men, or making friends. My body is pretty good and I am fairly ok with the way I look. Its like the story of the ugly duckling - the duckling had no friends because everyone said it was ugly but then oneday it turned into a swan! You will too turn into a swan but you just have to be patient!
I wont recommend you lose weight because you have not said how much you weigh - therefore the chances are you are a perfectly healthy weight but you just think you are fat.
The best things you can do to try and look better are to get as much exercise as possible. This not only makes your body look better, but it is good for your health and will also release serotonin in the brain which is a happy hormone, this will make you feel a much happier person in general. Drink as much water as you can every day - aim for 2 litres a day. This will help clear up your spots and make your skin glowing and fresh. It also helps your body to flush out toxins and keeps your weight balanced. If your skin is really bad then go to your doctors - they can prescribe some tablets that will work wonders! I used to have them at your age, they pretty much clear up your skin in weeks and the most you will ever get is about 1 spot a month!
Try not to worry too much about those pretty girls at school - what I found when I left school is that their looks go downhill, whereas all the "ugly" kids get better looking! I promise this is true, all the popular girls I went to school with are now pretty average or ugly looking, they "peaked" too early shall we say and now their looks are fading. Whereas people like me who were deemed ugly have got better looking as they have got older, I know I certinly look a million times better now than I did as a teenager!
As for boys, you are too young for boyfriends anyway! And even if you did want one, if you think you are ugly they will never want to be with you. You see the most attractive thing to a man is confidence. Men love women who are confident and happy in their own skin, women who love their bodies and are not ashamed of the way they look. No man wants to be with a woman who moans about how fat she is all the time, or a woman who wont let her man touch her because she is not comfortable with it! So you need to love your body and love yourself before you will ever get a boyfriend! So the reason all these "pretty" girls get the boys is because they are confident - it is nothing to do with how they look.
As the other answers have said, write a list of the things you like about yourself (the bits you hate the least). I'm sure when you look at yourself, starting from your feet and working your way right up to your head, that there are lots of good bits. Write a list of the bad things too and make action points on how you are going to change them. Here is my list as an example:
Good:
Hair
Eyes
Nails
Feet
Lower legs/calves
boobs
lips
ankles
hourglass shape
Bad:
Bum - do squats and running
Thighs/Inner thighs - leg exercises and running
Knees
upper arms - weights and exercise
hips
tummy - stomach crunches and running
spotty skin - drink more water, improve diet
cellulite
hairy arms
big nose
You see, each list is fairly even and the bad things most of them I can do something about. Some of them I cant change but they make me who I am and I am willing to put up with that. Every person on earth has flaws and bits of their bodies they hate, but at the end of the day this is what makes us human! I often find that men really like my tummy, even when I hate it and think it is too fat they think it is really cute! So what you might hate, someone else will love.
Wait until you are older and you will have the last laugh! You will blossom into a beautiful woman and then everyone will be jealous of you! But for now, be patient and keep your head held high. learn to be happy with what you have got and make the most of your life. Join after school clubs, go to sports groups, do anything you can to get active and meet new people. Sports are great for making friends and getting fit! Sit with the quieter people in your classes or at lunch, try and smile more and make yourself more approachable. Dont slump your shoulders and dont look at the ground - this will make you look more confident and taller too!
You are just a teenager going through puberty, this wont last forever I promise! You have to learn to like what you see in the mirror otherwise you will end up wasting your life worrying about the way you look. Life is too short - get out there and start enjoying it!
I hope this helps!
...............................
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 Oh sweetheart, there is so much more to being a person than looks. It can be so hard at your age, everyone is so obsessed with the shallow aspects of people. I don't know what to tell you, except that some of the best looking people are so inadequate and stupid that their looks will never help them. And sometimes the ugliest of ducklings turn into the most beautiful swans. Puberty is an icky time of most people's lives, and often people gain weight and it doesn't quite know where to distribute itself first. Body parts usually don't fill out where they're meant to first and the result can be all bad! You never know who's going to end up a winner in this hideous process of nature.Your post tells me that you are intelligent and sensitive, two qualities that can't be bought. Unatttractive people can buy good looks these days with cosmetic surgery, but intelligence and sensitivity can't be bought. And those are the qualities which ultimately decide how much other people love you. Just wait and see what happens. You say you're between 13-15, and over the next couple of years you have no idea what might happen to your bod! You could be amazed! :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): You are beatiful. Just remember how we feel inside shows on the outside. Look at life more positively. Try walking each day (brisk walk) half and hour - you will loose the fat as it burns faster in younger people. I agree dont cut your hair - a woman's beauty is her hair. Steam your face, helps clear the complexion - not too often. Eat healthy, think positve and be positive. Focus on doing well in school - will definately help boost your confidence. Learn to do things you like. And with regard to makeup - use natural items, like a powder, lip gloss, eyeliner - these are not heavy makeup but basic highlights. Also buy clothes that makes you feel good about yourself. Sometimes you can have a bad morning and just by paying a little attention to your appearance can do wonders. With regard to friends, if you can start by being your own friend and respect yourself, the rest will fall in line. During breaks focus on reading a book or do your homework, just remember god sent us alone to this world and we leave alone. So you make what you want of your situation not what other are doing or want.Goodluck
...............................
A
female
reader, LauraB +, writes (2 September 2009):
 hey huni, i'm laura! Just been reading your letter and the first thing i really wanna do is give u a big hug! You're only young still so your body is still changing and will do few years to come yet! I know how it feels to put on weight and i know how hard it is to lose it. maybe first ask your mom to start cooking you healthy meal and maybe join a gym or after school club where you can keep active. or maybe with your friends go for long walks. When i was your age we didnt have ipod or anything but me and my friend would but our favourite songs on a tape and just go for walks listening to the music with a earphone in one ear each. and its fun!you dont always need make up to look better, maybe do a few jobs for your mom round the house for some pocket money and treat yourself to some pretty headbands, slide or bobbles. do your hair nice, maybe experiment, have a look on some website and have a look at some easy hair styles. you have to try and ignore the negative comments you get, and the next time your mom tells you your ugly maybe say to her "mom help me look nice then" it may bring you closer. if your having trouble you should take to you friends and mom. maybe your gay friends could help you, i'm sure they would love doing a make over on you.but the first step is for YOU to HELP YOURSELF.Beauty isnt on the outside anyway, u could be the most beautiful person in the world on the outside but the most uglyiest person on the inside and you seem beautiful inside.you can always change how you are on the outside but dont change on the inside, if u listen to the horrible comments people give u, u will get a low self esteem and then that will make you not want to make any effort with yourself. And another thing everybody hates something about themselves, but obviously you have great hair and maybe spend a few hours looking at the stuff u like about yourself. maybe your eyes, your teeth, your lips.please please dont get yourself down about what people say, people will always be negative no matter what u look like, and boys, dont worry about those. boys are mean and dont improve with age. i hope i helped babe! take care xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Try not to feel so bad about people laughing at you! It's only those blonde, fake, popular girls who do that anyway, and they laugh at everyone to make themselves feel better and more important. This stuff only goes on in high school too, so know that even though you feel like it's awful and will never end, honestly it will. I went to school with a girl who looks exactly like you describe yourself and she was miserable for the first couple of years before she became friends with us, the less popular people. And now - we're all around 24 so it's been a little while since school - she is getting married soon to this lovely, fantastic guy who adores her and makes her so happy. Like you said, looks aren't important.
Ok now having said that I'll try and answer your actual question! Um is there any particular feature on your face that you don't really like much and which makeup might help you feel better about? For example I have awful dark circles permanently under my eyes which I can at least make look a lot less noticable with some light concealer, also for pimples, and no one can tell you're wearing any makeup because it's subtle. Also I've got a big nose but putting some light foundation on it makes it look a little less noticable and again, it isn't obvious I'm wearing makeup.
I think you should try and spot some of the quieter people at your new school. They could be shy and probably don't have as many friends yet. Just say hi to someone who looks like a nice person.
...............................
A
female
reader, AgonyAuntBlondiee +, writes (2 September 2009):
 Honey, no one is ugly, ever. We all look different and unique but that doesn't mean anyone is more stunning or uglier than anyone else because who are we to judge other prople? What gives us the right to say someone is not pretty because of their skin colour, size, shape or whatever. Beauty is ALWAYS in the eye of the beholder. There is no definition of beautiful and nothing to say you don't fit the category. we all do.Your mother makes me feel so angry in the fact that she puts you down. That makes me feel sick. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Don't let the shallowness of the people around you put you down ever. You seem a lovely young girl who has her whole life ahead of her who needs a big boost of self asteem. Instead of when looking in the mirror looking for faults try writing down 10 things you like (well don't HATE) about yourself and repeat these at the mirror every day.Have you ever heard the song 'Ugly' by the "Sugababes"? That song speaks so much truth and always makes me feel better about myself.P.S. in reply to your question - The prettiest thing any girl can wear is her smile :) Always remember that.Hope this helps :)AgonyAuntBlondiee x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): OKay stop it, your mum sounds like a very harsh old woman who is jealous. Your eyes most bloody certainly don't look like poo! i am sure that they are a great colour. Okay cellulite?! Who cares?! even really really skinny celebs like nicole kidman have it! gosh. Maybe people don't talk to you because you don't smile and you keep yourself to yourself as you are worried that they will judge you. Lighten up and have more confirdence:) , seriously i am sure that at least something about your physical appearance is good! you are only thirteen - 15 your breasts will grow! I can't really help you in respect to 'how can i look better' because i don't know what you look like, but message me if you found my advice helpfulAll the best , xxxxxxxxxx
...............................
|
