A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, just need someone to talk to. I seem to have lost my way. I'm single, have a job I love, and good friends. But I have lost my joy in life. I think ther is a combination of things that have just got on top of me. I'm ok for money but the credit crunch means things are a lot tighter than they were. I got overdrawn last year, so am a bit paranoid about spending money. Mainly I feel alone. I've been single for a long time and enjoyed being independent, but I'm just fed up of always having to do things myself, - always having to make arrangements to go out or have people around if I want company. Worrying about money has meant I've stopped going out as much as I used to. Now I turned down an invitation to go out last night, and my friends had brilliant time. They have posted pics on Facebook, and I feel devastated I missed out! I know its a small thing, that's why I'm asking for help, because I know I'm over reacting but I just can't seem to get a grip on myself.At Christmas I met a lovely man, and we just seemed to be so right together, - as though we'd known each other forever. For the first time in a long time I thought that just maybe I'd found 'the one'. But I'd only known him 2 months when he was diagnosed with cancer and died 4 weeks later. I feel very low, like there is a heavy empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.
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female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (2 May 2010):
You're right
When you're depressed you are very irrational about a lot of things. I know & have always known that I could never and would never commit suicide, but before I was on anti-depressants I started feeling so lonely that I came very very close to overdosing on sleeping pills. I was beyond irrational.
All I wanted was to escape my moment of loneliness. In retrospect I was completely irrational and very loved and not at all alone.
But it's just something that shows how alone you can end up feeling and how irrational you can be.
You have the right to grieve for your love even if no-one understands. And many people won't - believe you me, but if they are true friends they will try and be there for you.
Let them in & let them be there for you, spend time with them too.
You'll be surprised at how much friends will listen and support and care even if they don't understand.
But I suspect that you will also find that it is very important for you to go and speak to a therapist.
Good luck.
Message me if you need anything - support, someone to listen, advice... whatever you need. And remember there is no such thing as a stupid feeling or a stupid question. You're entitled to grieve for your love - you loved him. Deeply & truly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to point out that the latest answer, from an anonymous female reader is from me, the original poster of the question. I clicked on the wrong link and my reply came on as a response to my own question! Maybe Manoj is right and I am past it! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): Good God Manoj! How old are you? Very young I suspect. Actually your reply made me smile, - was that your intention I wonder, a bit of reverse psychology? Just in case you don't know, I may be 58, but I'm not dead yet! lol.
Getting Help, - thank you. You have hit the nail on the head. This man made such a deep impact on me and my life, - it was love pure and simple. But because I'd only known him a short time, no-one acknowledges that. People think this was someone I only knew briefly, - so no real loss. I sat with him for 2 days at the hospital, and well meaning friends said it was typical of me being such a nice person to do that for someone I hardly knew. So I don't get the support that a person who'se lost their partner would normally receive, - and so I don't feel able to ask for it.
I know you're right too about the money thing, - these are all things I am already doing, but as I suspect you know only too well, when you're depressed, you don't always think rationally.
I will make an appointment with my doctor and have a chat with him. Maybe I do need a couple of weeks on anti depressants, - I will take his advice, and yours, Getting Help. S x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): were you never married?
if you have some one like kids, grand kids, relatives etc, you can establish connections and start sharing things
Obviously you are in the situation that you have by choice only i guess...you have been making choice all over your life and now at the final phase of your life, you are so low.
I do not know at this age, can you get partner for your life with that much of depth in relationship and you will not have much time to invest in relationship either.
So practically, you can seek some platonic relationship, if you can get. Join dating / matrimonial sites for the same.
Always share your experience with younger for future
Manoj
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A
female
reader, GettingHelp +, writes (2 May 2010):
You can get in touch with a psychologist who will be someone to talk to and will help you through grieving over your lovely man. That must be so tough on you, especially as you seem to be feeling very alone right now.
I think you may possibly be depressed though and a psychiatrist will be able to help you with that. They may choose to give you anti-depressants (the difference between a psychologist and psychiatrist)but they will also talk to you and help you deal with things.
I have been there and am currently on anti-depressants. You will not believe how much of a difference they make. And there is absolutely nothing wrong in needing to have them. Basically what happens when you get depressed is you get stuck on a low and anti-depressants will help return you normal mood to neutral as opposed to low.
There are ways to go out and have a great time without feeling weird or spending too much money.
Get the smaller portion and eat later at home, drink your drinks slower, have one shot instead of two, watch that movie with a smaller box of popcorn, carpool, save electricity etc etc. There's loads of things you can do without spending too much money but still have a great time with your friends.
Did you ever grieve properly for your lost lover? Because back of the mind grief can drive you insane. Maybe you feel like you don't have the right to miss him or grieve for him because you knew him so such a short time, but that means little when it comes to grief. You probably need to grieve for him & you are entitled to - you have the right to. He seemed perfect for you and you miss him madly.
I do think that you should try some sessions with a psychologist or psychiatrist. And know that there is no stigma. You need help and you're asking for it - there is NOTHING wrong with that.
Message me if you need to talk or ask questions or anything. K?
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