A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 years old and I have been going out with a man 13 years older than me for just over 9 months. He has 2 childern and I can't help but be jealous of his ex. They were together for 10 years.I try so hard not to hate her but I can't help it, and he is always teasing me about how jealous of her I am.Is this normal? coz i feeel like i am going insane. How can I stop feeling this way?
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female
reader, cdempsey  +, writes (12 October 2007):
I BEYOND understand this problem, and in fact only stumbled upon this as I was trying to find articles on not being so jealous of the 'ex factor'. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half, but prior to me, he was married to a beautiful woman for 7 years (together for 10) and they have a little girl. The daughter means the world to me and I think of her as my little girl as well, but she isn't, and I know that. It is very difficult to not be jealous of someone that he chose to marry and to have children with while not being sure if he ever wants to marry again (which of course affects you). IF you spend all of your time being envious of this outside source, your relationship will in fact ultimately fail, whether you want it to or not. It is more difficult than people tell you to not be jealous of the ex, and most times, the guy will not understand what you are even jealous of. They don't tend to see the ex as a problem at all, and just assume that its part of his past that you have to not dwell on. The children will be his life, and you should never question that fact, but as in my case, sometimes the ex is just that for a reason. Your lack of confidence will ruin your relationship...it is to mine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): We all have a past and in this day and age there are a lot of ex's about. As i have said in the past, i bloody hate ex's, they can destroy things at the drop of a hat. They see their ex partners with someone else and all of a sudden they may want them back or what the other person is getting. I just dont get it but that is life. Unfortunately he is going to have to keep in touch because of the kids. You have an age gap, you are so young, do you really want to be with someone this much older. He has already gone through the happy families in the past, if you want kids, he may not want anymore. You will have a bit of a bumpy road ahead and i think you should sit down and ask yourself if you really want to be put through this pain. There will be painful days ahead. School sports days, when they both may decide to join up and go, parents nights at school. I speak from experience and it drove me mad. Think about it, you are very young with the rest of your life ahead of you.
Take care and dont head into a life of misery and someone elses shadow.
xx
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