A
female
age
,
*andy18
writes:Four years ago I found that my Husband of then 35 years had been having an affair for 7 years... we have tried to make a go of it, we go on holidays.. share our passion for gardening/children/ grandchildren etc and are about to celebrate our 39th wedding anniversary... in the first 6 months of finding out we had sex 4 times last time was Jan 2007 on holiday!!!!! I was told then a) he sleeps better alone, b) sex does not interest him and if he never has it again it wouldn't bother him.. c) if I was that desparate for it I could look for it elsewhere!!!so imagine my disgust a few days ago when I found letters he had written to one of his 'lady friends'(he only ever admitted to one) porno style and then last week on his lap top. porno pictures with the date of 3/10/10 file last opened ..I feel humiliated/betrayed.. I honestly don't know whether to stay or go.. and at my age 58 it's going to be so hard starting on my own ..... any suggestions
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female
reader, mizi +, writes (21 October 2010):
I know how you are feeling and what you are going through,i am 57 and my husband desperately wants a divorce,i am afraid of moving out and moving on.All my friends and family are all married,i dont know anyone my age in this situation.My family think that i should start again,but,i am terrified,i feel so alone even though i have many friends,i dont see how anyone can understand how you feel unless they are in the same situation,its easy for people to say move on,i dont have an answer for you,i wish you all the luck in the world,its a pity i dont know you,we could help and support each other.
A
female
reader, EtTuBrute  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Why does being fifty-eight matter so much? You're still able to get out of the house, right? Then why not start over? I believe it's never too late.
I know it may be harder to be on your own because you've lived with someone for so long but he's not worth trying. Seven years is a long time... I could see trying if it was a once and done thing but it doesn't seem like he cares about your marriage at all. Seven years is a long time to wake up and realize your marriage is more important. That's enough time to think about how it would affect you. I think he only cares about himself. Talk to him though and ask him why. If he doesn't apologize, stop this behavior, and try to work things out with you... Please leave this excuse for a man. (Sorry for the harshness but I'm just telling you how I see this.)
To help with the loneliness, why not get a pet? If you love animals, I'm sure you can find one to love you just as much.
Fill the hours of your day. Check out the Craigslist community section and see what's going on. Do something you love. Perhaps even make some money off of it by selling something you make. (Examples - Crafts, bake sales, etc.)
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (21 October 2010):
 I'm a 27 year old nurse, a large group of nurses I work with are in their late 50's - mid 60's...they're all getting divorced or just divorced in the last few years. They are having a blast!! Going on vacation together (there's like 7/8 of them), dating, talking about boyfriends, going out to dinner....just living fun lives.
Find a support network and friends and leave him. You deserve a happier life!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): It doesn't matter your age, you deserve to be happy and wanted and respected and loved. Fifty-eight is not old. I agree with the other posters. End your marriage respectfully, and move on. Will it be hard and draining and sometimes lonely? Yes. But in the long run, you will find what YOU need, and it will be all worth it. Best of luck to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): I'm really sorry that's shocking for him to behave that way. He needs to own up to why he's doing it. It's not just that he doesn't respect you he disrespects himself. Ask him to go to counselling with you. Whatever the outcome you deserve better and i know you're worried about being on your own but are you not on your own right now having to deal with this yourself?
I hope it works out for you, there is a chance when you understand him -or more to the point when he understands his destructive behaviour and asks for forgiveness- that you both might move on together...
P.s: be proud you're 58
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (20 October 2010):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Age isn't even the issue, he is. From my understanding, leave this so called man. I know you have been with him for a long while, but it's for the best honestly. You have put up with this backstabbing, and denial for 7 years! It's time to put it to rest. Get a separation or divorce. But most importantly; do what you find is appropriate for you. I sincerely hope this helps, xoxo.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): He wants sex, just not with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Get a counselor to help you.
This reflects more on him than you.
I've been through this, yes it is all the things you are feeling, but there is a way through it...you won't ever get "over it".
You may need to look elsewhere, but before you do get counseling, end the marriage respectfully from your end at least, and move forward (there are plenty of guys who find a woman of 58 attractive, age has little to do with it) with knowledge and self assurance and understanding.
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