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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm a young mom married to an older guy and i have cheated!! I met this guy recently and we both liked each other. He satisfies me not just sexually but emotionally too and i think that's what i am craving for. We are very intimate now and i know it's an awful thing to do as a wife. I know i should stop seeing him but no matter how hard i try i just couldnt stop myself from seeing him again and again. I feel really bad and really guilty! I would love to hear from you all, thru your answers it would probably open up my eyes and finally stop from being selfish. i need your opinion!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Hey...
I can't stop cheating either. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 1/2 years and we have a 20 mos. together. Through out our relationship I have cheating with 3 guys and recently cheated with my 4 guy. I love him so much but I think I do it because I need to feel wanted. I guess we get lost all up in our relationship and don't feel that fire in us that's why we cheat. All I know is I like it when the guys make me feel good. I know it's just sex with them and that's all it will every be. But I'm starting to feel like shit for doing it, but every time the temptation arises I just want to jump in without thinking at all...
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female
reader, Sassy fly girl  +, writes (15 December 2007):
Understanding the reasons why you cheated & facing the truth is more what you need to do. Get some counseling and learn about yourself. Cheating yourself out of those answers is cheating yourself, your husband & lover out of happiness. There is a reason why you cheat, why you have this other person & why you desire to be with him. Truth is a sometimes strange cure or enlightenment. To go on as & act as if you are the virtuous happy fulfilled spouse will wind up hurting everyone much worse in the end. Living a lie is just as wrong as the affair. Be honest with yourself, find the answers, seek help and move in a direction that makes you follow your heart. Listen to yourself only as the people who truly love you will adjust to whatever direction you take. Be strong, honest & best of luck......it takes a very strong person to stand and face truth & the reality of the situation you find yourself in.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): You have to know there is a reason for the cheating. You cheat yourself, your husband, & lover if you do not take a step back to find your true desires & the reasons for them. It is best to be honest with everyone in this situation. Seek counseling, communicate, learn the reasons for what and how you feel then make the choices that work best for all of you. Life is too short to hide from truth, cheat and depribe yourself of a happy fulfilled love life. Sometimes we marry the wrong person and realize it when you find yourself wanting to be with another. To lie and act as if you are a contented virtuous spouse will hurt everyone much more in the end. Be strong & GOOD luck........
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Sounds like your marriage should probably end. And please, say a few words to all the 17-year-old girls on here who ask what's wrong with dating a 40-year-old man. I'll bet you're feeling all the real answers right about now.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): stop being so selfish, your husband loves you, mary
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Hello, I must say i know what you are going through...i have been dealing with the same thing recently....i looking for attention elsewhere because i felt never appreciated by my husband...he was always angry and never understood me and to add all up i was going through a very hard time in life which led me to depression...we went abroad and that is when our relation started to get stronger,the other guy in the picture was banished up until now when my husband has gone abroad again i feel myself getting feelings for the guy. I have met him a couple of times and i dont want to hurt his feelings i have known him before my husband proposed and the time i was going through a rocky patch in my relation...Today i saw the guy again and to be very honest with you its nothing more than a kiss. i feel the same he cares and feel comfortable towards him but i was full of anger with myself and guilt...The poor guy has no fault its my selfishness and stupidity that is leading me towards this...My relation with my husband has progressed though with ups and downs and we have no children yet...He is not the emotional type who is easy to talk to but shows the love and care ad i can feel it...I realised in these recent days that i started to love him more and more..and i always tell the other guy i feel guilty and this has to stop though him not knowing wether am married or not...I understand what you are going through and because the answer i have in my heart i love my husband and will never let anything harm our relation...and i have decided to let this other man go because my feelings get churned up and i rot down the same drain again...he has been so helpful and is nice...likes me to bits and sees me for who i'm whereas i thought to look at the positive things my husband has seen in me or else he wouldnt have porposed to me..because after a long relationship he came to the final decision to walk down the aisle with me...How can i be so pathetic and cheat behind him...it has to stop and i cannot wait to see him again soon...we speak everday,he loves me and expressed his feelings that how he is yearning to see me..i live like a queen and despite all this why am i cheating?! :( is it anger bcoz when we were abroad i found some pictures of his past girfriends and whilst we were in our relation he was flirting around with others..Please guys help me with dealing my situation is it anger towards what he did because i did confront and that subject is close..is our relationship lacking trust...We both have to fight for our marriage and make it work and look at the positive qualities rather than the bad ones cause men have a actions that express the i love you and feelings and not words....I gave a hard knock to myself on the head its time to grow up and not act stupid and imatured....
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): Inspite on all of the things you guys have said, i still went to see him yesterday. I did it again! I was happy to see him and feel close to him . It was wonderful, nice and arousing but yet an eye-opener. I realized i may only have been attracted to him sexually. Because i fantasize a lot to be with the man of my dreams i end up cheating. I'm truly thinking seriously about this whole thing. I'm glad i found this site couple of days ago. This is such an amazing site and all the people here, it really helped me a lot. I won't say im 100% stable of my decision. I still have the feeling of wanting him but i promise you all and not just to please you but for the sake of my family too, i will correct my mistake! I will try not to see all the imperfection that my hubby has, like being overweight and the age gap and him being so insensitive to my needs. Instead I will try to think of my family's needs first over my own personal needs. I still have to keep coming back on this site tho, and hear from you all. The people here gives me strength to continue on my quest to self destruction..hehe kidding...quest to purifying myself.I thank you a lot for all your kind thoughts and we'll see what happens next...I'll keep you all posted! ;)~ƒ~
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reader, stina +, writes (11 January 2007):
 Hi again Anon,
You say that you don't know if you love your husband. You say that you don't want to have a divorce. And you still cheat.
Okay - the first two things I think say much about this situation and how to resolve it. I think that going to couples counseling would help tremendously. Obviously something is making you think there might be a way to be with your husband, so through counseling maybe you can work on what's not so great and grow what little feelings you have left for him into what they used to be.
Now the third part is what's messing things up (obviously). So if you think you can't stop seeing this other guy, *make* yourself not see him. Call him up right now and tell him that things are over. There's nothing stopping you! It's all just in your mind. What's there to lose if you stop seeing him? I can name a few things, actually: confusion, pain, guilt, sneaking around, lying, cheating, deceit, selfishness, going against your vows, hurting your husband, breaking up your family, turning your marriage into a farce, taking your husband for a fool, giving your daughter a horrible role model, and more. And these things are better than divorce? Please enlighten me.
So yes, I suggest breaking it off with this person, being honest with your husband (about the cheating and how you feel about him and the relationship) and suggesting couples counseling to him.
Listen, no matter what anyone tells you, you're going to do what you want to do (you've already made that quite clear - I mean if your family can't change your mind about you not cheating, then why would a bunch of strangers be able to do that?). But please think about someone else for a change and do the right thing - even if that means a divorce (or even letting your husband have someone on the side; whatever suits the lifestyle you seem to be creating).
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): I admit im wrong and there are no excuses!!! What i did was wrong and that's the bottom line.
Ive been reading on all your answers and it gave me a hard slap on the face. As i read docsilverback's answer, it made me think of my child which is my treasure and only her. Yes this is all selfishness on my part and i take all the blame. If my life is a puzzle pieces then you would know why i was able to do it. But as ive said..NO EXCUSES!!!
I wish i can tell you exactly what my life is, how it started, why i was able to do such things. I never imagined myself to become a person like i am now. But due to some bumps on the roads of my life, it changes me. It changes my perspective in life and im afraid my values too!And that is very shameful!
Most of you suggested to confront and tell my husband that i have cheated. Well it's not an easy thing to do on my part. I'm scared.
One of you asked me if i love him. The answer is i really dont know. Im too scared to say yes or to say no coz i might be wrong. I dont wanna make that same mistake again with the father of my child...
I really dont believe in divorce. Sometimes my judgement is not fair. I dont believe in divorce but i cheat. What is wrong with me!!!
~ƒ~
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reader, DocSilverback +, writes (11 January 2007):
 I feel like if your husband knew what you were doing, HE would be the one to stop it OR LEAVE YOU. Is your affair worth losing your family? Are your needs above the needs of your family? Why on earth are YOUR selfish needs more immportant? If for one second you would stop being selfish, you might come to your senses and stop feeding "your PHYSICAL needs" and tend to your family, you might just have time to end this horrific affair. Certainly what we say won't stop you, that would be too easy.
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reader, stina +, writes (10 January 2007):
Hello Anonymous,
Why are you married? I'm just wondering if you still want to make things work with your husband - if you still love him and want to try - because honestly the answer might be divorce.
You say you feel guilty, but you don't state why. If it's just because you know it's "wrong" to cheat on someone, then that's not really what I would consider a "good reason" for guilt. I know you can't help your feelings, but you can at least spare your husband a relationship full of lies and deceit. If you both split, then you get the person who can sexually and emotionally satisfy you, and your husband can be free to find someone who genuinely loves him. There will be heartache, of course, but I think a little time of that is better than a lifelong relationship built on essentially nothing.
But please do tell us how your relationship stands with your husband, okay? We might be able to give you better insight into your situation. Like our answers might vary drastically from situation to situation - For example - if you say that he's a great guy you just aren't in love with or if he's abusive. See what I mean?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): Hi! Its me, the culprit... Thanks for your thoughts Tellulah. Ummm, it's so hard to explain things coz it's very complicated to start with and it's a long story if i want to make you understand my situation. But umm, well i couldnt find that attention from my husband that that other guy is giving me all the time. We dont kiss at all, no romance, he don't touch me, everything that a man should do to her wife. And i'm a very romantic person, hubby is the very opposite. I know it's an awful thing to do and i know it's not good for my reputation if somebody finds out but i guess im just too stubborn to admit and too coward or should i say stupid not to correct it. This guy is offering me to live with him. And that makes me think that he really "wants" me. "Want" that is, not love, well he said he do love me. And he keeps telling me life is too short, and i should be happy instead of being caught in this unhappy marriage. Your answers are wise. You hit the target! But yes i will keep reading it 'till it hits the spot in my brain and wake up from this awful but very nice nightmare. That is the thing, half of me is loving it and is very happy with this guy but the other half is very awfully guilty and shamed for my actions! Hope to hear from the rest of you. ~ƒ~
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): in all of your question you didnt once say you love your husband, which is abnormal for cheating wives in here.
all you talk about is this new guy and how he makes you happy, but what made you unhappy in marriage in the first place? and did you talk to your husband about it or did you just go out and cheat?
is your husband the father or is this other man?
i suggest you finish with this man otherwise your marriage will never work, talk to your husband. and be honest, tell him the entire truth. he'll be angry and loose trust in you but with a child he may see his faults and change. that or youve got what you deserve for cheating
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reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Hi,
Well thats a good start I guess, to know you are being really selfish.
Have you thought how your husband would react if you got found out, I would suspect he would be extremly hurt. But not only that, have you considered how it will effect your children.
Do you love your husband, or is it that he is not attractive to you anymore.
Have you tried talking to him, to say you are not happy. To do this to him just because of sex, is bl**dy awfull. But if your really not happy and have tried every avenue to change things, there is not much else you can do but break up with him is there?
To just say im having an affair, and i feel guilty. dosn't sound like you have tried with your other half very much.
No-one can tell you to stop, you should be decent enough to sort this out, one way or another.
I truly believe you should try and talk to your other half, but if he wont listen, then you will have to decide to end it.
But dont see another man behind his back, its really low.
And you wont be proud of yourself for doing it, believe me.
If you were saying that you were in love with this other guy, I would say "leave your husband first then go for it."
Life is to short, to be unhappy.
But if its only for attention, maybe you should look closer to home.
I hope you sort yourself out, it sounds like you could do a lot of harm if you dont.
Kind regards
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