A
female
age
30-35,
*aleriemarie
writes:Hi everyone I would appreciate some advice about my boyfriend. We have been together for about a year now and I just feel so disrespected by the way he treats me.His friends ALWAYS come first, he completely ignores me sometimes when I ask him a simple question like "what are you doing today.", Hardly even wants to have sex and he just told me yesterday "the way you do everything pisses me off". I feel so hurt and run down. I know I shouldnt be putting up with all of this at all but at the same time I love him very much and he can also be so sweet. I have been in a really bad past relationship that lasted 4 years in which I was cheated on, physically and mentally abused so I'm sure that this is just me being dumb and keeping my pattern going of allowing myself to be treated like crap again. I know that I need to at least go on a break with my boyfriend so he can understand how serious I am. I think what I'm asking is how do I get out of this pattern and save myself from allowing myself to be treated this way over and over.Thank you for reading this novel that I just wrote..haha
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female
reader, valeriemarie +, writes (21 February 2011):
valeriemarie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice I appreciate it! I would like to clear up for the first answer tho that its not texts saying "what are you doing today" its when I will be standing right there next to him while hes watching t.v. or on the computer or something, which I guess just makes him more of an ass. If he were to not text me back right away I dont get mad about that. I tried to have a talk with him yesterday, which didnt go how I planned but I guess its a start. I told him he needs to make more of an effort and show more respect or I am seriously done. I am not going to call him anymore for a while, if he wants to talk to me he can put in the effort and call me and if he doesnt do that I will just simply break up with him. all of your advice has helped me realise what I've been knowing that I need to do.Thank you all :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): You need a break to clear your head. Look I can see in your question the possibility that maybe you are smothering him a bit too.
You need to take a step back and have a long hard think about whether this is the case. Perhaps he gets annoyed that you text him so often or that you demand so much time from him or that you may be a bit overbearing. His comment about you pissing him off sounds like frustration to me. He had no right to say that and shouldn't have but you have to look at your own behaviour and see if there is anything you're doing that is making that worse.
You see OP your past relationship sounds like it has made you insecure. You get really annoyed that he doesn't answer your "how are you, what are you doing today" texts but if you send them all the time then that can be annoying. He may feel your checking up on him or that you can't leave him alone for even a minute. Take a break OP take a week or two of not contacting him and gather your thoughts. Have a good long think about how this is going. Where you want it to go and then talk to him about what he thinks is wrong.
Now if things don't change OP or any of what I said doesn't actually apply and is not the reason he is acting that way then you need to find the strength to move on from him.
OP if it is as simple as you suggested and he is just not treating you right then you have to break that cycle yourself. It is a cycle too, you see you want to be loved so much that you're willing to let yourself be treated like crap in the hopes that it won't always be that way but it will because you don't do anything about it. Put simply Op you're a lovefool.
"I know I shouldnt be putting up with all of this at all but at the same time I love him very much"
You see? You'll put up with anything for love, it's your excuse to why you stick with guys that treat you badly and it doesn't exactly work does it? It doesn't make you happy, it doesn't make everything good, it's a lame excuse OP.
Once you gain the ability to love yourself more than you love the other person then you'll have the strength to demand better treatment. OP if love doesn't bring you happiness then it's not worth it and you have to find it somewhere else.
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A
female
reader, MissVee  +, writes (21 February 2011):
Sweetie, there are a million men in the world who are "sweet" and who won't belittle you, stomp on your feelings and smash up your heart for fun. There are even (GASP!) some men in the world who actually will like you.
OK, my gasp was entirely sarcastic. Of COURSE there are men in the world who will like you! And RESPECT you! And not be disappointed when they wake up next to you in the morning and see that you're still breathing!
Good God. Ditch this lead-weight immediately and find someone worthwhile!!
The life of a doormat is no fun, and let's face it, having people walk all over you with their big, ugly shoes can't be a whole lot of fun! So here's what you need to do: Dust off your self esteem. Stand up. Do not let anyone ever stand on you again. The only way to beat this unfortunate cycle you've begun is to realise your own worth and remind yourself every single day that you deserve to be respected.
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