A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I was in a very abusive marriage for 12 years and had 3 children when i got divorced i never thought i'd find anyone who would meet up to my standards but i did, we decided to move in together after 3 years of dating and shortly after found out he was addicted to porn, i found him countless times searching for women on the internet and watching porn online, i feel soo betrayed he lies when i ask him about it and gives me no explanation. I feel so lost and hurt what should i do?
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female
reader, Sally79  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 I am in a similar situation, I gave up my home, moved 250 miles to be with a man, then discovered he has an extreme porn habit which he denies, dispite the overwhelming evidence. Im talking of thousands of internet downloads of the really degrading hardcore stuff. He will no longer engage in true intimate loving sex, and wont even kiss me. I think he would rather have me leave him than face the shame of admitting he has such an awful habit. The only answer is, how long are you willing to feel like this for?, a lifetime? as porn addicts never truly give it up, even if its just thinking about it rather than watching it...even though i am to scared to leave my man because of his addiction 9fear of having nowhere to live, no job if i move 250 miles back home etc...), the only real answer is to love yourself more than he loves you...and leave if you can...your broken heart will heal...but I promise, even if you leave, he will remain an addict. To a porn addict, the porn is more important to them than any real person will ever be. Please care for yourself and go. I wish you luck and future happiness with someone who deserves you. x x x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): Most will disagree with me...but I am pretty sure that I know what I am talking about...I'm doing a PhD in Psych/family studies.-Separate porn from masturbation...they are not the same thing. -Masturbation is normal-Porn is ok if both parties are ok with it. It is not ok if one or both parties are not ok with it. It is subjective. You must decide what is ok in your relationship.-It is ok to change your mind. I used to be ok with it, now I'm not. My husband (after some huge fights) is ok with this. He doesn't look at it anymore.-Its ok to say how you feel and ask for what you need. You may get it, you may not. You must decide what you can live with.-Not being ok with porn is currently not socially accepted. That's fine. Your feelings are yours. Own them. Accept them. Give yourself permission to be ok with how you feel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): Women with self respect don't 'let it go' . Demand more, after all you get what you accept. Demand he enters intense therapy for His problem. If he won't do it, leave and never look back
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): Are you upset about the porn, or the lying?
My partner of 5 years is a porn addict too - he even has videos and photos on his phone. I think it is a bit much, but he is a man and he is not cheating on me - plus I like porn too - so I let it go.
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