A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if anyone could help me or advise me with this, but i'm in an akward situation and I feel really helpless as to what to do. A while ago, I confided in someone whom I thought I could completely trust. I had a very personal embarresing problem involving me and my boyfriend that I needed to talk to someone about, and I knew this person had had a similar problem in the past, so she was the ideal person to talk to about it. Before I told her anything, I asked if she minded me telling her personal things, as I didn't want to load on her. She said I could talk to her about anything and she sworn that nothing would go past her lips, I asked her to not tell even her partner (who is my boyfriends brother) and she promised she would not even tell him. So I went ahead and told her everything. She tried to help me out and advise me, she wasn't that much help but I was greatful and thanked her and asked again that she would tell no one. A few days ago, by boyfriend asked me "Have you been talking to someone about a personal issue?" I felt my heart racing and asked carmly what he meant. He told me that his brother had mentioned stuff about me to him, and he didn't know where he's found that out from. I told my boyfriend that i'd talked to his brothers girlfriend in confidence and I didn't expect that she'd tell a soul. I feel betrayed, and embarresed is an understatement. I trusted this woman with something that is highly embarressing and confidential to me, and if someone told me something that private, I would definatly not even tell my boyfriend, I thought that was a general rule with woman talk. It's so wrong to tell a man, no matter what relation he is to you, something so personal about a woman. Now that I know my boyfriend's brother knows something so personal and embaressing about me I cannot bare to face him ever again. I know this woman's probably just thought it was okay telling her partner because partners share everything, but I cannot forgive that. If it was something little and not so personal I wouldn't be so angry, but it's such a big deal to me and I have a horrible feeling in my stomach knowing a man that I see almost everyday knows my personal buissness. If I continue on in my relationship, there's no way of avoiding seing my boyfriend's brother because they share the same circle of friends and he's always around. But I feel I just can't face him at all. How do I go about this, what am I supossed to do? I feel like this has ruined and possibly ended my relationship because I can't face this man without dying of embaressement, and if I stay in my relationship how can I aviod seing someone who's part of by boyfriends family? My boyfriend doesn't seem to care and he said he should of never told me in the first place. He thinks I should just try to forget about it but it's most definatly not that simple. I'm so angry, hurt, and sick of being let down. I know I shouldn't of put my trust in this woman but I've known her a long time and had no reason to not trust her. I feel so stupid and drained. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can anyone possibly suggest what I'm to do? If anyone has advice I'd be very greatful, thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers so far they are helpful and appreciated. The girl I shared my problem with only briefly had the same problem, it wasn't quite the same and not nearly as big as my issue, it was just a similarity so I thought she may be of help. And my boyfriend doesn't seem to care much no, but the embaressment's on me not at all him so it's not effecting him the way it is me. It's just such a horrible situation, and the advice everyone's gave me here has eased me a little it's good to be able to get how I feel off my chest to strangers.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 July 2010):
 The thing that happens when you tell one-half of a couple is that you risk the other half knowing. It's just how closely some couples communicate that they don't distinguish between "his" and "hers"; there is only "ours" and that includes information. If you have someone who cannot stand to keep information from her partner, as it sounds like you have, you just can't tell them anything you don't want that partner to know.
I can see that this secret deeply troubles you if you are so embarassed that you would consider ending contact with the other half of the partner. But didn't you say that she had a similar problem? So the family isn't a stranger to this--you knew about it somehow. Your boyfriend doesn't mind his brother knowing. Now I think you may be overreacting--though it must be deeply painful to have been betrayed, no doubt.
I guess you have to weigh the importance of your secret against the importance of your relationship. It's really difficult for us to gauge, as we don't know the secret.
I'm sorry she broke the woman code, but some people can never be trusted with secrets, I guess, and now you've found that out the hard way.
I probably would call her and tell her that you'd heard she'd talked about it and that you were deeply hurt and embarassed. She might as well hear it from you directly, and perhaps she'll be able to tell you the extent of her loose lips. Maybe all she said was "Carol is having a similar problem as I did, and I tried to help."
Give yourself a weekend to recover from the shock and embarassment before you make any decisions, talk again with your boyfriend and try to discuss the situation with his brother's girlfriend again. Obviously, don't go into any further detail.
If anyone else brings it up, deny deny deny. You never said it, she must be delusional, what on earth are they talking about? Like that.
Best wishes as you cope with the revelation that some people just can't keep their mouths closed. Sorry.
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A
female
reader, sweetsiepie +, writes (1 July 2010):
 hey hunny dont let it bother ur relationship with her just dont tell her anythin personal anymore see cuz u've all got to get along cuz of family members and stuff but i no its hard take it with a pinch of salt shake it off and get on with things 4 every ones sake x
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