A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys i really need some help... ive been with this guy nearly 2.5 years now and i love him to bits... in the first month of our relationship he cheated on me with his ex and ever since then we have been tryna work on how to make us better... some days its great and some days its awful... the first year after it happened he showed me everything was there for me, showered me with love always had time for me everything... but recently this has all changed.... i feel so neglected now and i dont believe we have a future anymore but the problem is i love him soo much even though i know that he may not be right for me...i told him last week that im gnna give him a week where he should think about whether he can give me what i want and if he can then we'll give it one more chance but if he cnt i told him to let me go and not waste anymore time...the thing is i dooo really wnna be with him but i feel so distant from him now that hes got other things in his life... (work/ bussiness/ new friends etc) i just feel hes not there for me like he was in the first year... he's coming round today to talk about it but all of a sudden i have gone blank... i have no idea what to say to him and i dont know where i stand or where this is going but i love him so much and dnt really wnna loose him...any advice/ moral support?? please i really need it atm to keep strong and not break dwn in front of him
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): Hi there, first of all it seems like you are a very strong woman. Good for you for hanging in there, but you said it....you don't believe there is a future, you just want there to be. If you don't believe it, it won't happen. He sounds withdrawn and not really putting in the effort to your relationship. You may love him but it's hurting you. Another thing I've learned is that you can't give someone a time frame to decide how they feel, that's kind of like giving them an ultimatum. Really, what I would do (and I'm not saying this is what you should do) is back off and start concentrating on my life and my friends, he will see that you actually don't need him and that you would be ok without him....part of him won't like that. He is probably so used to you being there that when your not, he will have a problem with that. Let him go for a while....If it's meant to be....it will be:)
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (1 July 2010):
 The best thing you can do is just tell him how you feel and what you want from him. That's all. Too many times a person in your position feels guilty for wanting to be treated better. And you feel unsure about them being able to give you what you want, and because you don't want to lose them... you just continue to put up and settle.
The truth is, you deserve to be treated better. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be happy. Don't ever convince yourself that you don't deserve any of that. Go into your conversation with him with the mindset that you're not the lesser person in your relationship. Your relationship should be equal. Bottom line, tell him you NEED him to love you, need you, desire you, and care about you JUST as much as you do to him. If he can't commit to that, then it is on him. You are laying it all out there for him, so why should he be allowed to not do the same?
Keep your head up high, and KNOW what you deserve. Don't settle. :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): Hi there, first of all it seems like you are a very strong woman. Good for you for hanging in there, but you said it....you don't believe there is a future, you just want there to be. If you don't believe it, it won't happen. He sounds withdrawn and not really putting in the effort to your relationship. You may love him but it's hurting you. Another thing I've learned is that you can't give someone a time frame to decide how they feel, that's kind of like giving them an ultimatum. Really, what I would do (and I'm not saying this is what you should do) is back off and start concentrating on my life and my friends, he will see that you actually don't need him and that you would be ok without him....part of him won't like that. He is probably so used to you being there that when your not, he will have a problem with that. Let him go for a while....If it's meant to be....it will be:)
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