A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We're almost breaking up with my gal now since I requested her to wait since am yet not ready for marriage as I feel my self. I am 25 she is 30. She says time is running out and she is ready. We've been dating for the last year and a half now. How do I work it out?And how do I face this break up coz I feel I love her and still can't force her to be with me if she doesn't want.Nairobi, Kenya. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): Sometimes this is the biggest issue when younger men date older women. I know-it happened to my 24 year old son. He too was dating a 31 year old woman who wanted marriage. It didn't work out. Your gf is primed and ready for marriage and kids..you're not. Don't surrender to the pressure, hun or you may regret it later. You want to get married because you 'want' to commit to her, not because you feel under the gun. Marriage and family is the ultimate comittment and it takes 'two'people who are the same page. I'm wondering.. could it be because her biological clock is ticking loudly? If she is rushing this process, then it's plain to see she is at a very differing life stage than you are which means, you both are not compatible, in this sense. I say this because, dating at her age does have a purpose. It's to establish a future, a life shared, with someone. Perhaps dating to you, may mean the same thing but not as seriously. You need time because in order to have a fulfilling marriage, you must make sure that you are comfortable and want what she wants. If you are not feeling the same and you rush into this, you could have an unhealthy marriage. It could be rife with resentment, on your part. Ask her if she'll wait another 1-2 years. Your worldview and level of maturity could easily change and you could be ready. But one doesn't know. Does she want to take this chance and wait? If not, then you may not have a choice but to let her go.
A
female
reader, skye  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 This will always be a tough issue to come to terms with. Love and committment MUST be a two way thing. If one partner wants to marry and the other doesnt , then you need to talk to eachother to find out where you both are in your relationship and what you each want from it. Perhaps you will feel ready for marriage in a year and she might be willing to wait. However, if you cannot come to an agreement, then in my opinion you would be better off parting and finding partners who want the same as you. Otherwise you will both end up unhappy and resenting eachother. I know that is a difficult decision.I wish you both well, Skye
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