A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I fell in love with a girl around 6 months back. On one of the first few times I met her. We became good friends and I asked her out a few weeks ago, she said no.It was heart-breaking to say the least and I think about what I could have possibly done wrong when things seemed to be going my way. She would link arms with me, touch me, rest her head on my shoulder when she got bored, send me messages asking me how I was and I can't help but think that maybe she didn't really make her intentions clear. If she had told me right at the start or not acted in this way then I may have been able to avoid my feelings instead of feeling like there was hope for a relationship. Looking back, she was well out of my league. Most girls who look like her wont talk to me, despite the fact I'm not shy. I think the fact a girl like her gave me so much attention gave me the wrong impression and my mind was happy to run with the idea that I had a genuine shot. I feel led on.I have noticed other things too. I am not alone in my feelings towards this particular girl. Two of my friends have openly admitted to falling for her and I can TELL by the way I have seen others act around her that they also like her, at least another 7 guys. They may even love her as much as I do. What I notice is that these guys dont just admire her from a far either, she gives them enough confidence to approach her to the point of asking her out, then she reveals that "we're too good friends to change anything".I feel resentment towards her for breaking my heart in this way. I'm always very careful with who I tell my emotions to and to have them thrown back at me leaves me thinking I would not be able to put my heart on the line again. I wonder how many times this has happened before and how many times it will happen again. She cannot be as desirable as I see her. She's a heartbreaker but she doesn't know it. I want her to know it.I want to tell her anonymously what she is doing so that maybe she will be more careful and not hurt so many people. I have been put through hell needlessly and wouldn't want the same to happen to anyone else. I have promised myself I will never talk to her properly or look her in the eye ever again and I intend to stick to that. I both love and hate her at the same time. How on earth can I show this girl that she is a heartbreaker without hurting her feelings? I was thinking of maybe sending her a red rose come valentines with the message "Ever wonder if you get too many of these?" but am not sure it's really appropriate. Any better ideas?
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confidence, fell in love, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 November 2008):
 I'm with Tisha, too. Hers are the words of wisdom.
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (20 November 2008):
 I'm with Tisha on this one.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 November 2008):
 I think you're angry with her for not returning your feelings, and you want her to see things from your perspective. Or at least the perspective of the males she encounters. I hate to tell you, but I sincerely doubt she's going to 'get' it. She's just being very friendly and it may be that she does like all the male attention she's getting.
I honestly think the idea of warning her about her behavior is a waste of time. The only thing you'll be doing there is letting her know that she's devastatingly attractive to you.
The thing about her letting you know her intentions? That's kind of unrealistic. There's nothing more lethal to flirting and romance as announcing, "I'm crazy about you," before the other person is ready to hear it.
I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid you've just suffered your first case of unrequited love. Most people go through something like this, and it well may happen again to you.
She's a heartbreaker because the men around her let her break their hearts. If she wasn't so physically appealing, you might get to see her personality more clearly. Eventually, she'll wind up getting a taste of her own medicine, when someone does start dating her, then drops her because she cannot control the flirting.
A major part of your hurt right now is that your ego took a real whomping. I'm not suggestng you're egotistical, but she's bruised you where you feel very vulnerable.
Look, you have the power to control your own life and you don't have to hang around with anyone who makes you miserable. Don't let her guilt you into more suffering. It's not worth it, SHE'S not worth it.
And I hate to say this, but you're young still and have to get some miles on your love life. Things will seem less dire when you understand women and yoursef better.
Hey, take a look around you and pay attention to the less attractive but less needy girls. You may be a heartbreaker to someone yourself and not even know it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been reading through your responses very carefully.
I think that I wanted her to like me so much that in my mind I convinced myself that she did these things because she liked me. This wasn't helped by the fact that none of my other female friends really act like this, probably because they are more shy and less outgoing.
I think the reason I decided to hate her was because if I thought that she had done something wrong then she didn't seem so perfect in my eyes any more. I feel ashamed of myself for thinking like this. Hopefully I can learn from this.
I would rather not ruin my friendship with her and plan to avoid her until my feelings are resolved. Hopefully then we can carry on as normal.
I'm glad I wrote this question here. It stopped me from making a huge mistake. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (17 November 2008):
 I'm going to attempt to put this in the nicest possible way so i'm sorry if i offend you. it kind of seems to me like you're REALLY over-dramatizing it. i link arms, ask how they're doing, etc. to my friends but that doesn't mean i like them as more than friends, that's just what friend's do. As far as breaking your heart, i'm willing to bet she has absolutely no clue that she "broke your heart". She did nothing wrong in being friendly, seeing as how you guys are friends. I don't know why you would never talk to her or look her in the eye again. Nothing really happened between you two for you to go that far. I wouldn't send her flowers or a note. You really don't have any reason to.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (17 November 2008):
 She sounds like she is just very out-going and affectionate. She is not responsible for other people's feeling about her and there is no way anyone knows what someone else is really feeling.
She didn't make you love her, you did. Just like all the other males that fancy her. She also might not be interested in having a relationship at such a young age.
She did nothing wrong. You are just taking this too personally. This is part of life. There will always be girls who are very desirable to a lot of men. Should she stop being sweet and friendly because men make this out to be affecting them to want her?
You will probably have many many attractions to girls but if they don't want a relationship, that is not fair to expect them to have the same feelings that you do.
Just remain her friend if you like her. You can't demand that someone love you the way you love them. You can't hate someone if they don't want you the way you want them.
Everyone here is giving good and realistic advise.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (17 November 2008):
 Hi,
I really hate to say this, but I think you are going a little over the top. I mean what has she done wrong really?, she acted like a friend and nothing more. She didnt talk you into going to bed with her, then ignore you, or anything else nasty.
Maybe she doesnt realise that she is atractive to men, but surely thats a good thing isnt it?. How can you say you hate her just because she didnt feel the same way. It doesn't seem fair really odes it?
Instaed of hating this girl, put your efforts into finding a new one, that will feel the same towards you as you do them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): Sounds to me she doesn't know what she's doing and how her actions are coming across. Maybe yes you can help her in that regard, tell her the way she acts so nice sometimes may make some guys believe they stand a chance.
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