A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have had issues on and off since we met for various reasons. however we still keep coming back to each other and want to make it work. but im so insecure, and i think its my fault, but i keep getting hurt by him and getting really really stupidly upset which just ruins the day/days after. he doesnt talk much either so its difficult to clear things up quickly. but basically, i get hurt when he doesnt give me attention back when i need it. like if i went to kiss him, he move away! or if i go to hold his hand, he just brushed me off. its not like this happens once either, its all the time to me. even when we are alone i dont feel like he really wants me. he says he does, and he used to loads, and i guess it doesnt help getting upset all the time or that we have had issues on and off for so long. but i thought we had gone through how upset brushing me off makes me before. he gets angry at me for getting in a strop or crying over it. and then doesnt talk to me for days. but it was because of is actions, or non-actions that i get like that! i dont know what to do to either a) stop feeling so insecure, even if he is just joking it hurts and b) to make us laugh again which may make him more interactive with me.
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female
reader, PreciousNY  +, writes (5 May 2008):
You showing him your insecurities is definitely making matters worse. Men love "confident" women. You both love each other and are together, so experiment. As much as something he does bothers you, let it go and don't get upset, or atleast don't show him your upset. Definitely do things to make him laugh and feel comfortable with you again. When you catch him looking at someone else....pretend you didn't see it. I would also start to show him less affection and let him come to you. Once he sees that he can be comfortable and himself around you he will start to change how he is with you.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Well obviously I would say that your insecurities are rooted in his behaviour. You said you used to be ok but now are not...you need to discover what the underlying issue is here and why he is suddenly behaving like this; you are right that getting upset will probably make things worse.
It is hard to comment on this because although you say that you have had 'issues' you don't say what they were so it's hard to say if they can be mended or not. It may just be that the relationship has reached the end of it's natural life and that much though you care for each other things cannot carry on as a relationship at least; that is neither of your's faults it just happens sometimes. If that is the case then I think you need to think about moving on because it will do neither of you any good to prolong it. Good luck :)
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