| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm glad to say I've been improving my self esteem. As a result, I'm less jealous of other girls, and less envious (baout their personalities, or how well they do in school, their talents, things like that). I feel better, as I know I'm worth a lot, and I'm amazing in many ways and can do a lot of stuff... and it's great, it makes me feel warm inside. I know I'm a great, unique gal!There's one aspect that I just can't improve though...I still feel massively insecure about my looks. I don't like my face a lot. I hate my breasts, I hate my tummy and I hate my butt/thighs. I'm not fat but I'm chubby. Yet I have small breasts. I get so sad when I see that in advertisements, there are thin, toned busty girls with firm legs and butts all over. It hurts, because I'll never look like that. And because I've seen girls like that at the beach, they're BREATHING, REAL GIRLS!I have a great boyfriend, and he says he finds me extemely attractive, but 1) He gets so annoyed when I talk about this and 2) The times we have talked about it he has been brutally honest... which means he has said that he loves me not just for my looks, that I have so much going on for myself that is more important, and that while I'm extremely attractive to him, of course models are hotter than me but that he'll never meet any, so I shouldn't worry. These last comments, although they're true, make me very insecure. He knows that physically I'm not all that... I'm not his fantasy. I'll never be any guy's fantasy, considering they all drool over lads mags models, and that if girs like those are in every form of media it's because that's what guys like. My boyfriend has admitted it, they are the stereotype of the perfect woman (physically).How can I get over this? And if I'm ever single again, how will I be confident that I'll attract anyone? I know he loves me. I know other guys would love me. But I hate not being physically desirable, that I'm like physically the only thing that's available, but that if my boyfriend could, he'd change how my body looks.I don't understand that "There's always hotter than your partner, but that doesn't mean you love them less"... because honestly, honestly, I mean HONESTLY... when it comes to guys, I couldn't care less about bodies. I hate the muscular stereotype. For me, it's all about the face. And as far as I'm concerned, my boyfriend is the most handsome guy to me. Brad Who? I hate the Hollywood male stereotype of "perfection". So no, to me there's no one hotter, so I don't understand.How can I get over this? How can I be like, "blind" to all the perfect girls that are ALL OVER the place? How can I not care if my boyfriend thinks someone is hotter? How can I feel attractive in my own skin? I never hear any compliments! (Only from my boyfriend, he's the first guy to have ever complimented me on my appearance).To make things worse, I feel bad about my body and as a consequence, that makes me feel stupid and immature. So I feel twice as bad than I should... How can I change my stupid and immature thinking and be immune to physical insecurity? Please help me, I don't want to waste time and energy in these stupid thoughts, but I swear I can't help how I feel! :(I HATE HOLLYWOOD! I HATE SHOWBIZ AND THE MEDIA!
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breasts, immature, insecure, jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 The girls you are seeing in the media arent real. They are photoshopped and airbrushed beyond recognition. Don't know if you are from the UK but if you know of Keeley Hazell (glamour model, major MAJOR favourite with mens magazines and tabloids) I always thought she was so stunning but I saw her in a nightclub in London recently - she's nothing special. Not ugly by any means but nothing like she looks in magazines. She was with Lucy Pinder, who had pretty bad acne.
The point is, the girls you're seeing in the media ARE the typical male fantasy, but they dont look like that really. Its all down to angles, lighting and airbrushing the pictures. So when you look at pictures of these girls and think "i wish i looked like that" you can bet most of the time the girl who is IN the picture looks at it and thinks "i wish i looked like that".
Its not good for you to be jealous of other girls, and I'm so glad you're working through that and making progress because jealousy will just eat you up and block your personality out. If you do want to lose a bit of weight and tone up then regular gym classes would help (spinning is the best) or swim regularly, it is possible, the girls you're seeing on the beach work hard to look like that.
Its about making the most of what you've got rather than trying to be like someone else. Ask your hairdresser for a cut and colour perfect for your face shape and skin tone. Go into the bodyshop or a mac store and have your make up done by a makeup artist who will show you the best colours and techniques to bring out your best features.
Brooke
xxx
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 Hon, you are who you are. It is YOUR looks and height and weight and shoe size etc. etc. that defines you. People like you because of who you are.
Look at how relationships actually start out. The guys and girls first worry about how they are dressed and how their hair looks and if they have a pimple.
Once they are able to pair up with someone all that becomes somewhat second nature and they are able to begin learning about one another.
Eventually man and woman are married and the looks begin to fade.
However, does that mean that they are less attracted to one another?
Not at all. They have a diminished intrest in each other's looks and have begun to focus on each other's minds.
I have been married 28 years and I love my wife more today than the first day we got married.
Don't get me wrong, my love has put on roughly 80 pounds since we were married and her breasts don't quite stand up on their own any more and her hair is slightly grayer than it was when we got married........Ok maybe a lot grayer and she has had two operations on her back, one for her gallbladder to be removed as well as a hysterectomy.
I used to be reasonably healthy and had to be as I was a reserve deputy sheriff for the county of Los Angeles when we met.
Since then I have put on about 50 pounds and I think I look more like the michelin man now and my teeth are falling apart.
But none of this matters to my wife. She loves me for who I am.
My son is another example that I will use in this case.
He is going with a girl that is about 50 pounds overweight. I believe that is his preference because the last two girls he went with were overweight.
The point I am making is commercialism has made the vast majority of people think they need to be tall and slender and be well toned to be even noticed, let alone liked.
But rest assured, there are as many likes and dislikes regarding size, shape, color, disposition, etc. as there are people. So you just fit into a certain category that a certain group of guys like.
If you want to change anything about yourself, change it for you. Not for someone else. There will always be someone who will want you for who you are providing you are not trying to be someone else. Doc
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (11 May 2008):
 Bit of a typo below, sorry. Should read 'You must hold yourself upright'.
x
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (11 May 2008):
My darlin' will you please click on the link below, it was very cleverly put out by Wizard of Waz ~ for us girls alike, who fret about our looks and insecurities.
I wish I could say 'I guarantee it'll stop you feeling the way you do completely', but I can't, however, what I will say is ~ 'it'll help'.
I agree with you about the Media...they are one big pain in the arse, elaborating on glamour they way they do, and if it wasn't for them, there would be a lot more confident girls out there.
Here you go, read this;
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/genetically-modified-woman-or-organic-female-which-do.html
Hold must yourself upright, walk tall, be bold, get yourself some gel~filled underwired plunge bras, works wonders for smaller breasts, and start believing in yourself.
Keep telling yourself that you are beautiful, and you are unique, that there are girls out there who would probably kill for what you have, because there's always someone out there who's worse off than you.
Chin up, babe, just be happy that you have your health, that is the most important thing of all.
BigSis
xXx
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