A
female
age
36-40,
*essbelle
writes:I have been with the same guy for 6 years. I love him, but he frustates me so much because he seems not to care enough to deal with the problems we have. He huffs and sighs and acts like I'm bothering him if I bring up something we need to work on. Sometimes he gets really angry and pounds his fist on something or tells me I'm annoying, etc.I asked for a break, and instead of waking up, he just got really angry and refused to discuss anything. Finally, we talked and decided to try again. The first day he showed up 2 hours late for a dinner/movie date....the only date he has asked me to go on in months. Any plans that are made are made by me. He often opts out if it involves spending time with other people. Just before we got back together was my 21st birthday. In the past he has done something very special like roses and a beautiful necklace. He did come over with a bottle of wine and two flowers, but it was weird. I guess I feel like I was being punished for asking for a break. Two days after we got back together was our 6th anniversary. Again, usually roses and a nice dinner out. This year, even though I agreed to try again, he didn't even mention it.Am I expecting too much? Why wouldn't he be trying if he wanted me back as badly as he said he did.I feel powerless. Everything is on his terms it seems. Even the break did not wake him up.Please help. I do love him very much.
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female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 It is a convenient relationship for him. Why would he leave. he is getting what he needs and is getting away with neglecting you. Sure it annoys him when you place expectations on him but he can just fake it for a little while or pretend to care just enough, he may even make you think you expect to much~ and then go right back to doing as he pleases-it becomes a never ending cycle of false promises and disappointment for you. He won't leave until you say it is over.
A
female
reader, jessbelle +, writes (29 June 2009):
jessbelle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the thoughtful answers. What I don't get is that if it is truly that he can't be bothered, why didn't he just leave it alone when I asked for the break? You would think he would think he was home free.
If he sees me as demanding and nagging for just wanting the basic things people have in relationships, why didn't he just stay away?
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A
female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura +, writes (29 June 2009):
I know you love him, unfortunately sometimes love just isn't enough-just like the song says. I have the same problem you do. Someone who punishes me for the things he screws up. You can stay with him a continue this game until finally you feel the grief of losing the love and hope you once had because it will only deteriorate. He will continue to neglect the relationship and you will become bitter. He will always blame it on you so don't expect him to take any responsibility. You need to decide where you want to be in the future because I can assure you right now he will not change nor can you change him. So, you can accept that he isn't capable of giving you what you need or be happy with what little he does offer-or miserable more like it. You deserve to find real love that is based on consideration, respect, and trust. When he isn't even concerned about your feelings what does that tell you? Maybe there are other issues that are happening within him that are causing him to neglect what is so important to you but it is more likely that he just can't be bothered. Best of luck!
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