A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been married for the last 15 years to a much older guy.at first we were the ideal couple and to be honest we never argued much.but lately i can't seem to shake off this unsettledness feeling.He spends more and more time at work,complains he is always tired or rudely falls asleep.i look at him sleeping breaking wind and snoring and i feel physically sick.he is not the man i married.i can't work due to ill health and he has taken complete charge of my life.he has a son from a previous marriage who i hardly ever see because he lives in london .instead of seeing us hubby regularly travels to london allegedly on bussiness.hubby earns 65000 per year i have to get by on disability benefits.i have left him twice before but he cries and tells me i am his life.but i can't help being selfish and feeling " what about my life???i desperately want change to happen as i am so miserable. should i feel grateful that hubby " cares " or sould i go and for good this time???
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Don't expects others to be the vehicle for you OWN happiness. YOU need to own that. IF you are not happy with him as things are now, you have to do something about it.
First, talk to him. Tell him, SHOW him what you want/need from him. If he can not provide that ( even if it is attention and affection) you need to realize that no matter how much you love him, he will not change into something you want him to be.
He knows you come back if he just "cries" enough.
There is nothing wrong in being selfish. In wanting happiness. Sometimes we get lucky and share that with a spouse sometimes we don't. I guess it depends if you are happier with him then without him.
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 July 2009):
 to be honest if ur not happy, u have to talk to him about ur feelings,
if ultimately things dont change & he doesnt appreciate u as he shud, then i think if u feel strong enough and happier to go it alone then do it!
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