A
male
age
51-59,
*razyTrain
writes:I am a 39 year old male and have been married for 14 years. My question is How does my anger towards my wife really affect our relationship? The anger stems from the lack of oral sex i recieve. Before i was married life was good, after that day it slowed down with our busy life now it is none i got my last blow job six years ago. We had some good freinds that we hung out with all the time and she thinks i slep with my ex best freinds wife which i didn't and we are no longer freinds now. She says she dosen't feel close to me any more and won't do the deed?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): Ok, this may not be popular, but here goes... You need to seek some outside counseling and after the therapist agrees bring her in for couple’s sessions. Something is not right and you both deserve to be in a loving relationship – ideally with each other! If you’re really game, try a week long couples retreat, where there’s real work going on.
While it can be scary the first time, these are incredible, and you can make years of progress in one very rewarding week. If after a week, she’s not making a commitment to address whatever’s eating at her, then you have a decision to make. Remain in the relationship, or end it and seek a loving relationship anew.
You have to do what’s right for you – this is less about sex, and more about being loved. Ending what was once a great relationship is never easy, but (right now) she’s ended it, and simply forgotten to tell you.
Good Luck…
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 It seems like the two of you have some serious issues going on that you do not deal with.
1. trust. Your wife doesn't trust you AT all. She hasn't forgiven or moved past what she believes was you being unfaithful.
2. Communication. You two don't seem to actually Hear each other.
3. Anger and resentment. You seem more upset that she won't give you a BJ then the fact that she has accused you of being unfaithful. Wow.
4. Intimacy. you have mentioned NOTHING about how you feel about your wife other then the hostility towards her for the lack of BJ's.
I would suggest the two of you take the time and effort to FIRST figure out if you WANT to stat together as a married couple. If you do, then you really should try a marriage counselor. You two need help. And a lot of it. Nothing wrong in that. A marriage is like a garden. You BOTH have to TEND to it constantly.
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A
female
reader, ErinPatterson +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Try telling her she needs to get over it. if she cant believe you..I mean..or ask her why she thinks that you slept with this other woman. just get it out in tey open. As far as they oral sex goes..maybe she doesnt like oral.
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A
female
reader, Tan  +, writes (13 July 2009):
It seems like your wife may feel uncomfortable going down on you. This is understandable if she believes you slept with another woman. I'd suggest trying to reconnect with her on an emotional level. Go to places you went early on in your relationship and reminisce. Make her feel close to you again. Try not to put pressure on her during this time. Then maybe, when you think the time's right, try to re-establish your sexual relationship. Keep giving her oral sex and she should return the favour.
If you complain about it to her you'll push her away, and that'll make your problem worse.
Good luck, I hope you guys work it out.
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