A
female
age
30-35,
*if3sucks
writes:hey therei think i need to break up with my bf but i honestly cant i try to get the courage up but i back down and some how im the one saying sorry when he should be the one saying it. ok well this is what i mean by i should probably break up with him, last night i stayed the night at his friends house with him and i woke up really early cuz him and i were sharing a couch and well his phone was sitting there and for the longest time i just have a had a bad gut feeling something bad is happening behind my back... so i took the phone and went through his texts from his ex gf and we were bowling and i saw he had a text from her and i asked what they were talking about and he said nothing and i was like why did she ask you "i dont know... why?" and he is going up to her town this up coming weekend and i figured he asked to hang with her and he said he had know idea what she was talking about.well today i found out that he did ask to hang with her... and he told me he talks to her about me all the time... there was not one text with me brought up in it... so i confronted him about it all and he said that they are just good friends and that he lied to me cuz he didnt want me to worry about something when there is nothing to worry about, he said that they broke up in 8th grade and havent dated since and that they are just better off as friends.. i dont know what to think anymore, i just feel like this whole relationship is based on a lie, and like i said i seem to be the one always saying sorry...he didnt even say sorry for lying...what should i do? i try breaking up but i look in his eyes and cant, cuz for some reason im madly in love with him
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female
reader, lif3sucks +, writes (17 February 2010):
lif3sucks is verified as being by the original poster of the question but thats the thing. i dont wanna break up with him i really do love him and dont wanna lose him, i wanna try and make us work
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): I think its a bit over dramatic to say the whole relationship is based on a lie when it's him telling you a white lie pretty far into the relationship. He's not cheating on you, he just knows his ex and they are friends. But you are jealous by nature so he tried to tell you a white lie so you wouldn't get so worked up. You snooped on his phone and you honestly have no right reading the messages he sent her or what she wrote back to him. That was a private conversation, and you had no business reading it. I do not say it was ok for him to lie, but I understand why he did it. I dont see how this is reason to break up, but you have trust issues so maybe it truly is best for you to be on your own for a while until you build up enough confidence in who you are. As I see from your update you cheated on him. So you definitely had no right snooping on his phone and accusing him of cheating on you. Your own cheating has made you paranoid about what your boyfriend could be doing. This feeling you have that something in the relationship isn't right probably comes from yourself and you know he was too kind to take you back? Maybe you would have felt more at ease and better had he punished you by leaving you. Or maybe you cheated because you didn't really want to be with him? If so and you still don't really want to be with him, don't stick around just because he's a good guy. Go find someone you actually want to be with and that makes you happy! There's no need to stay in relationships just because there's no reason to get out, when there's no reason for why to stay either.
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A
female
reader, lif3sucks +, writes (16 February 2010):
lif3sucks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionive thought of doing that, but im scared cuz i think i already know what there will be more of :( i just dont understand how all of this has changed so much since we first started dating....i wish i owned a time travling system to just go back in time and be that awesome fun outgoing girl who didnt care and just went out and did her thing
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A
female
reader, Caring Stranger  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 your right, relationships are hard. so full of ups and downs. however, it sounds like your relationship is mostly downs and not very many ups.
i think what you need to do is think about this in a structured way because its clear that this is very confusing and a difficult time. i think if you sit down and write a list...the positives and negatives of your relationship, one in each column. write down the good and bad points. when you have finished look at your list....if there is more positives than negatives then the relationship may be worth saving. if there is more negatives than positives take it as a sign that this relationship needs to end. but if you do this make sure that you are completely honest or you will be just as confused as ever
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A
female
reader, lif3sucks +, writes (16 February 2010):
lif3sucks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut thats the thin also...he knows he needs to change too and i have cheated on him and he took me back...i feel like i dont have a good enough reason to let him go...i may not always be happy but i just dont think i have the strength to let go of him :( relationships are so hard
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A
female
reader, Caring Stranger +, writes (16 February 2010):
you keep blaming the problems in this relationship on you. But you need to remember that he has lied to you. do you really want to be in a relationship with someone you cannot trust? you have every right to be paranoid and jealous because he has given you plenty of reasons to be. i can understand why you are struggling to let go of him, you clearly love him very much but i really think you deserve better. you should not change who you are to make some guy happy.
xx
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A
female
reader, lif3sucks +, writes (16 February 2010):
lif3sucks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe is my 2nd love...i have been once before its just this one is stronger...and we both use to be sooo freaken happy and fun and enjoying the love and we both wanna get back to that i miss it :'( ...the reason we dont have that anymore is because i care way to much, im a jealous freak and i wanna stop being one i wanna realise that i can be in a relationship and have fun and if i get hurt throw him away and move on...but right now i dont feel like i should throw him away cuz i know what i need to change to make us happy again..i dont know?
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A
female
reader, Caring Stranger +, writes (15 February 2010):
this guy is clearly your first love and i dont think anybody ever fully forgets their first love. the way you are feeling is completely natural. but this relationship is not healthy for either of you. you say that he has even said that he doesnt think you are a good couple...it sounds to me that you both know that this relationship will not work but are both scared of being alone. dont be. i dont think that even if you both tried that this would be a successful relationship. you need to end it before either of you get anymore hurt. it will be really difficult and you will need the support of others around you but after a while i promise you will realise that being apart is the best thing for both of you.
xx
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A
female
reader, lif3sucks +, writes (15 February 2010):
lif3sucks is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneveryone tells me to break up with him, he even told me that we are not a good couple but he grabbed a hold of me and told me he loves me and dont wanna let go. and i feel the same way with him, i know im still so young but i swear that the feelings i have for him are so strong and real i just dont know if i can let go :(
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A
female
reader, Caring Stranger +, writes (14 February 2010):
Ok, this relationship is not going to work if you do not trust each other. It is clear that you have no trust for him, which is understandable because he has been lying to you. you deserve better. I do not think you should be together. You are young and have plenty of opportunities to meet guys who will treat you properly. Finish this relationship and move on. Do not feel guilty about ending things with him, you deserve to be happy and you clearly arent. if you need more advice just askxxx
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