A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex lives with me for a yr now. He doesnt pay for anything at all including rent. Hes bought a jetski thats been fixed on off and dies again on off. He spent so much money on the jski and none on his 2kids. Hes always telling me that I should always put my kids needs first but how can I when he keeps asking me for money. He doesnt work and I do night shifts. Everyday after work he asks for money. It only goes towards that jetski of his and never anything useful. Im sick of it but im not very good at sayinG no. Advice anyone pls
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 June 2015):
 Funny. First you criticize him because he spends money on his jetski but not on his kids - then you say " he tells me I should put my kids first but how can I if he always asks for money ?... " .So, when he deprives his kids , to spend on futilies it's not OK, but when you do the same ro yours it's fine ?!
Deprive, yes, deprive. You may say : hey, my kids never lack for food or clothing or housing ...I am only spending my " extra " money on this guy.
Yeah , but first, as you say yourself, extra is scant in your line of work.
Second, there may be emergencies, something unforeseen, health stuff not covered by insurance, .... what are you going to tell your kids if they grow up with, say, nothing dramatic, but let's say crooked , messy teeth : sorry, I know I should have gotten you braces but I had to buy myself a lover first ??!!
Third, even if it's your money and in theory you can do with it anything you want, well, not really, when you have kids you have the duty to show with your example what to prioritize in life, it's YOUR choices that's show your kids what's right what's wrong.
It's not because you work hard for your money that this would give you the right to blow it on drugs, rather than on your kids ... and blowing it on a self serving gigolo like your so called bf is exactly the same thing. An undefendable choice.
Sp " how can you " : rather simple- you remember you are a mother and that you can't screw over your own kids this way.
It does not mean that if you are a mother you have to forget you are a womman too, and that you can't have a lover / companion. Just, he can't be a PAID one. You can't afford it ; neither moneywise nor morally.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 June 2015):
 Practice saying 'no' to him. Since he provides so many opportunities to sharpen your skills you'll master it in no time.
Perhaps you need help getting him out of your home. What about family or friends to support you. You could even role play with them. It might help for you to assume his role and see how others might handle him.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (6 June 2015):
Why are you letting him live there? He isnt even a lodger, at least a lodger would pay rent and utilities! He is taking you for a fool and you are not only allowing it but you are encouraging it. If you need someone to mind the kids, then pay a babysitter or daycare. It would work out a lot cheaper than the current arrangement, thats for sure!
He keeps asking for money because you give it to him. People can only give you what you will take. What is the point of having him there? You cant even meet a new guy as long as this one is living off you. Dont even give him any notice, he doesnt need any. Just wait til he is out, pack his sh.it up and leave it outside the front door. Is he makes a scene, call the police.
There really is no other solution here. He is a loser and complaining will do nothing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2015): Think of your children.By enabling their lazy freeloading father you're teaching them by example that it's expected and accepted behavior for men to take advantage of women and for women to serve as doormats for men.Also consider that baby daddy is stealing from his own children in two ways, by not supporting them financially AND by taking money from you that could have been better spent on them.I'm assuming one reason your ex is living with you is because you need someone to watch the kids while you work off-shift, and if that's the case then I understand kicking him out might not an immediate option. But in the meantime the only reason he is shamelessly taking advantage of you is because you're letting him. You need to learn to say "no" and you need to insist he get at least a part-time job while you're at home. If you can't stand up for yourself, then stand up for your children. You're doing them no favors by letting their father walk all over you, and when they're grown they'll either copy your behavior and/or resent you for it.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 June 2015):
Kick him out. You can not force him to love you.
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A
male
reader, Over 50 advice  +, writes (5 June 2015):
 OMG, turn your brain on! you already know the answer read your own question and dump him like a the idiot loser he is
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