A
female
age
36-40,
*LISHA
writes:i am from trinidad and live with my boyfriend. we both love one another very much. but his family doesn't like me at all. he always choses his family over me and even lies to see them. i know he should get time to see them but they are a bad influence on him and i am just trying to make sure he does the right things and make the right choices in life. we always arque. i feel left out sometimes and no matter how much i talk and expresses my feelings to him, well... he doesnt listen. what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 I think that he should not have to sneak to see or spend time with his family b/c you do not get along with them. At the end of the day they will always be his family but you may not always be his girlfriend. So the best way to handle it is to accept that he has a relationship with them and enjoy the time that you have with him. That is his family you do not have to love them or like them for that matter but he does. Just be happy that he is not begging you to come along for the ride.
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 We are born with the right and privilege of messing up, you cannot take that away from your bf. Having that stated...
You cannot make decisions for him. Like it or not, that is his family and he will and should prioritize them as such. That does not mean he does not love you, it only means he needs to spend time with his family and that you need to accept it in order to have a chance at a happy relationship. Even if initially he accepts your decision of not letting him visit or care for his family, he will eventually do and if he has to sneak to do it, he will!
On the other hand, maybe he is not listening because you are not expressing your feelings properly. If you begin by saying: "I don't want you to visit your family because..." or "I don't like your family because..." then he might be feeling his family is being attacked and will not bother to hear the rest. He, instead, will take a defensive approach towards you and your feelings.
Blood is thicker than water! Try to work out things with his family for your own sake. Good luck!
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