A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I just bought a house and moved in together, about 3 weeks ago. Before this we were living seperately with our parents. We saw each other often and the relationship was everything I could ask for, but since we have moved together things have become too comfortable to me. The touching and the nice complements about how I look etc. have slowed down. I am feeling more like a roommate than a girlfriend. We have only been together 2 years so I think it is way to early for the fire to be dieing. I finaly worked up the courage to talk to him about it and tell him that I feel like the relationship has changed recently and that I feel like I need more affection, he got a little angry with me that I brought up the issue while we were in bed when I had plenty of opportunity earlier in the night. He rolled away said night baby and went to sleep. I need help to start the conversation to tell him what I expect from a relationship, how i need to be loved and my expectations. To tell him that he needs to work at the relationship as hard as i feel i am without him getting defensive distant about it like i am attacking his "love" skills. Please help I love this person and just want the affection we all deserve, or to know if its hopeless. thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Well sometimes domesticity can ruin things. You are sort of young to have "settled down" in my opinion. Unless you are both working at it, the fire will die down, and there are no quick and easy ways to get through it. This will be a true test of your devotion to one another. The only advice I can give is that you keep it up, do your part and try not to take things too seriously. You know him better than we do, so think of a way to approach him with this that will suit him - talk to him when there is lots of time, there are no distractions etc.
Also keep in mind that this is probably a stressful time for you both with the moving etc. Cut yourself some slack and be prepared for the fact that in the long run, relationships change. They grow, the develop, sometimes they disintegrate. It seems like you are in it for the long run, so be patient, be honest and communicate!
I know that doesn't seem like very good advice, but honestly this is a maturity thing. If you guys are strong, then you will gradually learn to live with each other, understand one another's moods etc. (living together is different) and not take each other for granted.
Good luck, and hang in there!
A
female
reader, Plutonious  +, writes (27 February 2009):
ahh. BF AND GF living together situation is totally opposite of living apart. You should of already been aware of what might to come when you do move in with him.
It feels very different living with your boyfriend. I moved in with my bf and it did feel vagely low. a bore.
I wanted attention, affection, the whole nine.
And since you already told him how you feel he should of at least respect you for that, take it in, and resolve the issue by making an effort for you.
Maybe it's time for you to do a little experiment on him.
try something new together, it could be anything that you put your mind to. It would have to be what he likes to do too.
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