A
female
age
,
*mitten
writes:I've been seeing a guy for 5 months 3 times a week we play pool cards talk spend time together we have sex once a week, he always comes to my house i have been to his once... i have met is 11 year old daughter but apart from that i have not met anyone else he knows.he tells me he is very happy and content, always compliments me and makes me feel good... he says i am perfect... loves my figure and my personality... always cuddling and kissing me very affectionate.my problem is i feel more like a friend with benefits than a girlfriend. The other weekend he had friends over who live a long way away... he didnt tell me.. didnt invite me to meet them... only told me after they had gone home... i was alone and could have met up with them but he didnt ask,.i have asked him to stay over 3 times...first 2 he said it was too soon and last night when i suggested he stay because he was very tired he just ignored the invite.we have not gone anywhere together as a couple so i am beginning to think that he does not think of us that way... he does not have much money but we havent even been out for a walk!whats going on?i love him ..i dont want to lose him by being pushy but 5 months and all of the above but nothing to show the world we are together...help!
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (13 August 2009):
 Honey, if after 5 months you have not met his friends, you are a FWB. From your letter it sounds like you have not even been on a date together! How can you say you're in a relationship if you've never dated?
A man who is interested in an actual relationship takes you places, shows you a good time, and integrates you into his life. He does not keep you hidden away, instead he proudly shows you off to the world.
Let him know that you are not okay with being friends with benefits any longer. Put your foot down.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, smitten +, writes (12 August 2009):
smitten is verified as being by the original poster of the question my thanks to everyone who has answered... i am new to all this but i have found it really helpful... please keep adding your thoughts...the more i hear that agree with mine the more i will have the courage to do what i must do and confront him,
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A
female
reader, young and opinionated +, writes (12 August 2009):
 i've been in this situation. And i have to tell you, if you feel like a friends with benefits, its probably because you are!
After 5 months if he wanted to be with you properly, you would have met all the important people in his life and he would be taking you out all the time!
I strongly suggest you voice your concerns to him, and if he doesn't change (which i suspect he won't) then leave him. Keep your standard high.
Don't be tempted to stay if he doesn't change because it will just prolong your pain, and make you look silly.
Trust me, i learn this one the hard way.
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A
female
reader, smitten +, writes (12 August 2009):
smitten is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni was his 'friend' his daughter lives with his ex wife... i thought maybe he was waiting for six months to see if we were going anywhere but the thing with his friends coming up to see him must have prearranged... i know i have to confront him i just dont knopw how to approach things... thanks for your comments it good to get personal stories i can see know i am not the only one top have been through this
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A
female
reader, smitten +, writes (12 August 2009):
smitten is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks
seems that some men can be jekle and hyde characters... i did not think he could be ... dont understand the desire they have to behave this way
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): I went through something similar to this. The bottom line as far as I can see... he's just not that into you and does not want that level of commitment. He wants things on his terms. Kick the guy to the curb!
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A
female
reader, smitten +, writes (12 August 2009):
smitten is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks steveyou are right.... i appreciate the comment thanks
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A
female
reader, smitten +, writes (12 August 2009):
smitten is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhiand thanksi agree with you in some ways...he wants things to go real slow but how slow is too slow? the friends and family thing really bugs me...it was nice to get a male perspective for a change
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): First impression... even tho he may enjoy your carefree company/sex/whatever, he's embarrassed of being with you, or atleast worried about what people will think about him being with you. Yeh that sounds bad, but can you think of any other reason? You've been to his house once in 5 months, you've met noone other than his 11 year old daughter? I think its time to make your presence more obvious, say you want to meet his friends/family and if he starts to "oooh... ummm... well... see... thats tricky cos..." then maybe you'll have your answer.
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