A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been with my fiance for 3 years now the problem is it feels like we've been together forever we never go anywhere together birthdays Christmas,s valentines day all get forgotten about by him he has a very easy job he works Monday/Friday spends most weekends busy out with his mates our sex life is maybe once every 2 weeks I'm just feeling miserable lately there's no excitement anymore he's mentioned that the weekend after valentines day we will go for a meal he also said that about Christmas and our engagement what do I do thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, This_is_not_a_dress_rehearsal  +, writes (6 March 2017):
 Get out
You're dating a loser
You know it everyone who knows you knows ut
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 February 2017):
 You talk to him. You have agreed to marry this man which is a huge commitment for you both therefore surely you are able to talk to him about how unhappy and unsatisfied you are feeling? If you feel he needs to make more off an effort then you need to tell him that. You need to tell him what you need to make this relationship work and also listen to what he needs. He may not feel these things are important and you may feel that they are that is why you need to sit down and talk to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2017): It has always been said that if a man keeps doing the things he did in the beginning of the relationship to win her over, that he will never lose her.
The problem with this (and it applies to women too) is when two people are in a long term relationship, they tend to take each other for granted. They know the other person will always be there (or so they assume) so they don't have to put any more effort in.
This is wrong.
You always need to work on a relationship. You always need to nurture it. Keep it exciting and fun. You seem to have lost sight of that in one another.
Your bf seems to be taking YOU for granted.
You will always be unhappy if he continues to treat you this way.
Have you told him how you feel?
Maybe you need to lay it all out. Don't accuse him or make it into an argument. Just tell him that you feel neglected or not loved when he forgets Valentines or does not make time to see you... These are YOUR NEEDS. They ARE valid. And if they are not being met by your boyfriend, then you cannot continue in this relationship. Because you will always be behind him begging him to pay attention to you. He might pick up the ball for awhile then resort back to his old ways.
He seems lazy as well. After 3 years, some guys tend to get comfortable with you and feel they don't have to do any of the work anymore. That is so untrue. They need to always woo us and always make us feel loved and appreciated. Women need the emotional connection and the nurturing on the part of their partner to feel loved. Otherwise, we are upset at them and pull away and start to resent them for not treating us as we should be treated.
Also, I find it odd that he only wants sex once every 2 weeks. This to me is a red flag. If he is in your age group, he is still a young man. So, why less intimacy? Do you think he could be seeing someone else?
How is your relationship in general? Are you close? Is he open with you? Does he tell you everything? Include you on everything? Do you trust him? Is he the kind of a man you would want to marry? All relevant questions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): It does sound like he is a bit lazy with things.
Some guys get lazy with holidays and birthdays, valentine's after a while. Mine certainly has (sadly). But he does show my he loves me in other ways and does cook my meals, treats me well, etc. He does celebrate those holidays, but sometimes it is the bare minimum, card and a little gift.
It sounds like you are the kind of girl who really enjoys a romantic type of man, and I can't blame you! If you NEED this, then this guy isn't for you.
Sex once every 2 weeks seems like things are already going passionless. I would say sex about once a week is a nice regular amount you should be having in a long term relationship. However there is no set rule. If the sex is really full of passion every 2 weeks, then maybe this is good enough? Again, you have to figure out what works for YOU. I agree with anty bim bim.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (11 February 2017):
 Aunty Bim Bim has it right. Examine your role in this relationship.
I would say that you should have a means of supporting yourself. If you are counting on him to be the sole breadwinner then he can pretty much call the shots, if that is the sort of man he is.
What can you do if you are relying on him for food and board? You need to know that you can survive on your own if necessary. That empowers you.
It means you don't have to put up with neglect. You aren't just taken for granted as a kind of housekeeper with benefits.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 February 2017):
 So what exactly are you getting from this relationship, beside sex maybe once every two weeks?
This about your answer very carefully
do you feel loved and nurtured?
do you feel cherished?
does he tell you often he loves you?
how far down his priority list are you?
do you talk every day about the little things in life?
do you talk sometimes about the BIG things in life?
do you share your life dreams and goals?
is he there for you in a crisis?
does he surprise you sometimes with little gestures, (this could be as simple as a cup of tea in bed)?
did he follow through on his promise of a meal out on the weekend after Christmas and your engagement?
If there is nothing good or joyful or uplifting in your relationship then why stay in it ... we have limited years on this earth don't waste them wishing for things that are never going to happen, your fiancé is a lazy, do nothing git, and the reason he is like that is because that's what you have, by accepting his behaviour for the past three years, have told him you will settle for.
Don't settle. Stop settling for less than you want! If he doesn't want to step up, then you step out and do it for yourself, and he an either tag along behind you or get lost!
Your life is, at this stage, down to you ... sort out what you want before there are children in the picture. Time's a wasting!
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