A
female
age
30-35,
*abymamma626
writes:It's me again! I must say you will find many questions of mine on here! hehe...anyways...I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and blah blah. Point is someday we will be married I'm sure...but my boyfriend has had a very hard life (but common who hasn't? I myself have had a hard life). But my personality type is the type to baby people and put them before myself. I don't want critisim on it cuz I've heard it all before, but my boyfriend has some problems when it comes to social situations because as he was a child, growing up in a very small town, he was extremely heavy and a little on the so called "weird" side. I personally don't think he is weird by any means and I love him dearly for who he is, but as a result of his weight and just simply being different he never really had a lot of friends. Now as an adult (he's lost the weight) he has a hard time dealing with certian situtions especially in our relationship and over-all he has an anger problem. My personality type tells me to hold his hand and walk him through situtions. And believe me, I have! He tells me a lot that if not for he'd be lost! We are so attached to eachother and very in love. But sometimes it scares me because I'm afriad that maybe I've lost myself because I'm so worried about him? And when he gets mad he says alot of mean things to me like "i don't love you, we have nothing in common...blah blah.." I know it is all stuff he says because he is angry and he tells me after the fight that he didn't mean any of it. But long story short...i'm lost. We are having a child together and sometimes I get worried about this too..any advice? He has a good heart and has great intentions, but he has some problems (like i said don't we all?). He works full-time to support me and our unborn child, he has bought everything for us brand new and he is excited about the arrival of our daughter. On top of working full-time he attends college to become a nurse!!!! He is so perfect to me especially on a physical level, but sometimes I feel lost with him on an emotional level. Is this just because I am a woman? Should I just hang in here and give him some time to develop his social skills that most people like myself have developed earlier on in life because I had ALOT of friends in school and so on? HELP! I need some advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): He may be shutting down because he is overwhelmed. Find ways to help him out if you can...as much as you take care of him, he's taking care of you, especially right now. Don't be too judgemental in your own time of need. If he is becoming a first time father...well, not all guys adjust so well to this. Asking for more right now might put him over the edge.
A
female
reader, kittikat +, writes (22 May 2008):
 SERIOUSLY!!?? Are we dating the same guy? :-) No, I'm just kidding- we're not. If you read my answer to your other question, you'll see what I mean :-) I get the moody thing from my man too and it drives me crazy! I can tell you for a FACT that I've never shouted out insults in anger and it kills me when this wonderful, perfect man blurts out ugliness when he's having a bad day. We've been working through it, it takes a lot of time and patience and COMMUNICATION. Seriously, I've known so many guys that are like that. It sounds like he's insecure, of course, from his childhood and now as an adult he hasn't quite figured out who he is or where he stands in life/society. With patience, maturity and and open mind, hopefully that will come in time. I hope that you tell him how you see his behavior, it could really open his eyes and help him. As far as losing yourself, I've done that too and let me tell you, it's really hard to find "you" once you've buried her. I too am a caretaker by nature and you can get lost very easily in other people's lives- especially when you're sharing it with them. It's good that you're helping him deal and cope with life, but you have to be careful. If you're not allowing him to handle things on his own, he's not really learning. I'm not trying to criticize, just stating a fact from experience. I have a 32 year old ex-husband who's 23 year old girl friend keeps his paycheck and gives him an allowance- simply because over the years we all "took care of him" because he had so many "problems" and has this amazing ability to blow 2000.00 in under 5 mins. I've seen it, really.
Honey, he has to learn to deal with those problems himself. This is especially important now because you're not taking care of you and when that baby comes, you'll be taking care of him/her as well. You're not going to be able to devote all of your energy making sure your boyfriend is taken care of. It's a balancing act and he really has to start being accountable for his actions and behavior. I know it's hard girl, it really is. You sound like a very caring person with a lot of love to give and that's awesome, just love yourself too!
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