A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with Lance for 5 years, we have a 3 year old daughter together but never married. Things were good the first couple of years but I need a change. After I finished college I started my career and gained more independence. I met someone else and thought I was in love, so I left Lance. It's been 3 months since I've moved out and I miss him like crazy. I'm not feeling this new guy as much anymore, and I miss being with my child's father. The reasons I left him are that he doesn't trust me, he goes through my phone, purse, computer, etc..every chance he gets. He doesn't like my frinds, he's moody, and he doesn't have many of the same interests as me. I can't stand that. I want to go back to him and be a family again but I'm afraid things will be exactly the same. He's vey insecure and has somewhat of a control issue- needs to know everything I'm doing 24/7. I've enjoyed my freedom living on my own and being able to talk to anyone I want and go anywhere I please, but I feel lonely and depressed and my daughter is also miserable because she's 100% daddy's girl and can't stand to be away from him. I don't know what to do?? Please offer any advice- thanks in advance.
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female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (10 August 2008):
 it doesn't sound like it was a completely healthy relationship with lance, but at the same time you two seem to really care about each other. you miss him, and his insecurity tells me he cares about you, too, although he doesn't show it in a healthy way. maybe he has been hurt in the past, or maybe he was not used to feeling so vulnerable. loving someone does that.bottom line is i think you need to tell him you are sorry, that you made a big mistake and that the other guy never meant anything to you. tell him exactly what you wrote down, that you were seduced by the freedom of being able to do things on your own.and then i suggest some sort of couple's counseling because you left him and are coming back and if anything i see him becoming more insecure. you two will need to resolve his insecurity and your need for freedom.i hope this helped a little bit. good luck!
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