A
female
age
36-40,
*icoleray143
writes:Me and my man been together for 3 1/2 years now and been having sex. Sex went from everyday, down to once every week, down to once every month, and down to 3 months passing no sex and then we decided to not have sex until we are married. We are not really in a rush like my friends think we should be to get married, becos we are just making it financially with bills and a little extra money for birthday and holiday gifts, and i want a decent real wedding. My man's friends say we can just have our pastor marry us and there were married, but i don't want that. I feel like we need to work a lot on our sex life even if were not having sex. He dont kiss me like he should, just a peck on the lips, he don't make time for romantic time for us, he don't do nothing sexual to the point were if another guy were to tell me i am beautiful or sexy it would make me feel good. I told him before that when we get married he has a lot of sex to make up for and he sorta smiled and he didn't say nothing. What can i do to spice things up and find our sexual attraction between each other, but not attending on it to lead to sex?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Sadly I will warn you that sex decreases with marriage (and living together) and if you are not having sex now it's NOT going to get better after marriage This does not apply to folks that choose not to have sex on purpose.. but you guys sort of MORPHED INTO IT... and that's strange.IF you want it and he does not.. there's two things.either it's YOUor it's HIMif it's YOU he's not interested in then there's not much you can do... if he's got the issue (low sex drive) or low hormone levels then that might be fixable. if it's hormonal.If it's just that he lacks drive.. well then nope... not much that can be done for incompatible sex drives...
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (14 October 2011):
There's something a bit weird going on here.
"When we get married he has [to have] a lot of sex to make up for [not having any now]"
It doesn't work that way. Is he actually still sexually attracted to you, because it sounds like he isn't. If he is not being sexual, and not showing you any affection then this is how it will be when you marry, too.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that a ring on your finger will solve all your relationship problems. It won't. In fact it will bring a whole new list of challenges to get through.
So is your relationship really on the right path right now?
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Hun, I'm sorry to tell you this, but he's just not that in to you. There is no good marriage in your future from what you've described.
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