A
male
age
41-50,
*onelyguywb
writes:I wrote a couple weeks ago about this girl whose married and have pretty much been having an emotional affair with. Her husband was out of town this week for business and I spent 5 days at her house with her. It was pretty much a nonstop party for the most part. Besides these 5 days we have pretty much done something together or made a point to talk, besides work, everyday.But everything came to a head on Tuesday night after drinking. I had a breakdown with everything that's been going on with her and I, amongst problems with my ex. We spent that day with my son and it made me emotional because for the last 2 years it's always been just me and him. But having this girl with me, who my son adores placed me in a fantasy land of sorts just thinking how nice it would be just the 3 of us.We talked about how everything has gotten out of hand and that we both were only making things more difficult for us. We've been great friends the last 2 years, I've liked her the last year and told her a month ago finally. Its hard she's married and I love her so much, but I value our friendship more than anything and told her that and don't want to lose her. Nothing physically has happened at all which I know would have made this situation worse.Finally, we talked today sober....and I apologized for being an idiot and expecting more because I was living in fantasy world. We both agreed to just be there for each other as friends and to help each other out in getting back to school and making careers for ourselves. She even said if she was single that without a doubt we'd be dating, because we have great chemistry and understand each other.Finally, how do I get past my strong feelings for her because she's married? I know it's not easy. I truly love her more than anyone I've been with. And with her marriage shaky at best the last couple months, should I wait for her? I have had no luck the last 2 years and we have both been there for each other through good and bad. At least since we talked we reassured each other that it's not going to be weird or awkward and that we're still best friends. As a pretty sensitive guy it's hard to deal with and any help to make me feel more sane and better is much appreciated.
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male
reader, lonelyguywb +, writes (20 May 2012):
lonelyguywb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo anonymous.....I wrote this several months ago.....since then I've tried numerous online dating sites, other people from work, etc....but they never will compare to her....it wasn't an infatuation, I love her no matter how down things have been the last 3 months with her, everything's been a total 180....we've drifted apart and the nightly texts and hanging out are sporadic at best.....I'm only good when she needs something, and to say the least has made me feel lost, I mean she boosted my self esteem 10 fold, now I'm lucky to get 2 word answers out of her. And to be honest I've done nothing wrong, just have been me, I've given her space....it's been happening since, she was out of work for a month or so.....and the story goes on even longer lol.....I'm too f'd up right now
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): Hopefully by now you have moved on from this pointless infatuation. Consider yourself lucky. What prize would it be to have this woman who would disrespect her husband in front of another man in his own house? She would walk all over your sensitive needy emotions. Hopefully you've gotten ur schooling together n fathering your son while in a stable relationship with a single unattached woman.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Hi lonelyguywb,
I know this is a difficult situation, you never plan this to happen, but here you are, and you just have to accept reality. I am glad that you are being strong, and I like the way you are handling the situation. Keep in touch, but try to not communicate as much, and also do not meet her often.
Right now, just keep your distance until things cool off a bit... You both need time away from each other to put your thoughts together, it's best for the both of you. Stay strong, positive, keel yourself busy, spend time with friends, go exercise, make new friends, and like you said, hopefully things will fall into place..... It will get easier... Take a day at a time...
Good day! :)
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A
male
reader, lonelyguywb +, writes (14 October 2011):
lonelyguywb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you chickpea. It has been tough and a roller coaster of emotions. We are remaining best friends and are going to help each other out and get our lives together and move past how things have been the last couple months. Sure it will be tough to contain those feelings at times, but as for now we agreed to cool things off especially with the being together everyday and making reasons to do so.
I'm glad things kind of went this way so I didn't ruin their marriage and friendships in the process. We both have been selfish and at low points the last months and were just there for each other. I just take it a day at a time and go from there and maybe it will all fall into place eventually.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (14 October 2011):
Hi,
I felt so sad reading your post. You sound like a great guy... Have morals, character, integrity, and I am so proud to know that you, and your friend did not cross the line. Something that is so easy, but difficult to resist nowdays. It takes a lot of strengh, and shows what kind of man you are.
Honestly, and I know it's sook wrong, but hope you, and your friend stay together. But, reality is that she's married, just because the marriage is shaky right now, doesn't mean they will ever divorce. Nobody knows.. So best thing for you is to don't put your hopes up, because I don't want you to be in more pain, it must be so difficult meeting the perfect woman, and not being able to be together.
Do not put your hopes up. Do not expect anything from her other than friendship. You need to protect yourself. Also, I think is best that your son don't spend more time with her, either. Because you don't want your son to get attached to her, and start asking for her. He's young, and it's hurtful, and kids can get confused, and some how affect him.
I am not sure if I gave you any good advice. I feel like I was just writing, hope I make sense, and this helps. Best wishes to you, your son.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): You are the guy who is in love with your best friends wife. He took u in for a while while you sorted out your life. During the time u stayed with the friend and his wife, the wife disrespected the hb, was rude to him in front of you? You and the wife made plans to be together while your best friend were away for a few days? Right?So this is where you are right now. What did u expect when u basically lived another mans wife for the entire week? You both planned your interactions and u both knew what u both were doing. So what now: Cut off all interactions with her. She is not the childs mother. He will be ok. Are u looking at perhaps getting this woman to be a substitute mother to your boy? How do u face your friend? After all he allowed u in his home, you have gone out together with him and his wife for socials? I also blame this woman for this mess. She also latched onto u for everything at the expense of her hb. LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): You need to stop seeing her for a while, even if she's your friend. Not forever, but for a bit. Then you'll slowly feel less. When you find someone else,whom you are in love with, then you start seeing her again as a friend.
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