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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi Everyone, I hope you can help. I am a 24 year old female and my bf is a 39 year old male. He is perhaps the best bf ever; loyal, loving, thoughtful and very mature. However, I have a problem with where we are in our lives. At the moment I live with him and I'm practically his wife. I cook for him, look after our home and his dog and our life is quiet and very stress free.He is a web designer and as a result has the luxury of working from home. By nature, he is quiet and likes to be at home and have quiet nights in. I thought I liked this too, however lately I keep thinking about all the things I am missing out on. My friends are travelling, going out and meeting lots of new people and having great experiences. I, on the other hand am at home every night, in all weekend and go to uni during the day. He does not like to go to the pub, or clubbing or anything during the evenings so we only really end up going to the shops or on walks. Nothing else really happens. I really do not know what to do. I feel like the years are passing me by and I might miss out on great stuff but on the other hand he is such a great bf and I don't want to let him go. I honestly cannot imagine my life without him. What do I do?
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female
reader, Gasolina  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 It sounds like maybe you are an extrovert, and he is an introvert. Is it really a good match? Are you missing out on the life you really want? There is no lifetime rehearsal.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 My husband is just like that too. He finds group situations a bit daunting as he worries what to say to people and whether he will fit in or not. He too is older than me and consequently older than all my friends husbands so he often feels really out of the conversation in a group. However he loves to have people over for tea just one or two couples so I ask a lot of people over for tea now. Plus I have girlfriends who I socialise with without any partners. We go away on girls weekends together and we have the odd dessert night out together. Maybe this could work for you.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 What about your friends from uni? Why don't you ask if any of them would like to go out sometime? Why don't you go with your friends who go travelling? I'm sure, if he is a decent understanding guy, who wants you to be happy, he will be happy for you to go out and enjoy a social life and travel, even if he's not interested in joining you.
I know you'd rather go out and explore the world with your partner. But if he is simply not interested, and you definately want to be with him, this is the compromise you will have to make. Just go out and have fun by yourself, and make new friends to have fun with. After a while, if he sees you having so much fun, he might get curious and want to join you once in a while.
I have a similar situation, my boyfriends 16 years older and doesn't want to do a lot of things I want to, ie travel, festivals, he doesn't want to go out as much as I do, maybe just once a week for a small drink, whereas I like to go out for longer and more frequently. But I've still gone and done my own thing. I've gone to Uni, I went to a festival in the summer, without him, and I plan to go travelling with a friend this summer and to another festival with my brother. It saddens me that I can't share all of these experiences with him, as he rarely leaves his home area. But I love him, want to be with him, but also I need to live a little and do what I want to do. He has already travelled a lot and done all these things before so he's just not as interested in them as I am. But I want to be with him, so I have to find a ballancing act between time with him and time for me, with friends.
You don't have to spend every night with him. Spending the odd night apart will be good for your relationship, as you'll appreciate your time together more.
Good luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe don't really have any friends. He has a few but they are all married and have their things going on and he hasn't really made any time for them over the years so no one will make time for us.
Also , he doesnt like going to the pub, playing darts or anything. He just likes to stay at home and work.
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A
female
reader, Gasolina +, writes (19 March 2010):
You might have to jolly him along to get him out of the house, but it will be worth it. Try to tap into his interests, for example buy tickets to go see a band he likes when they come to town. Sometimes men can be a bit of a stick in the mud. It's usually the woman who takes the initiative with the social calendar. Other ideas: have people over for dinner, cause then you'll get invited over more. Join a darts league, or local volleyball or something. Just find something easy and fun that you think he will like.
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