A
female
age
41-50,
*ummer Holiday
writes:I am 31, working as a senior management in a small company. He is 37 working in medical fieldWe have been together for 4 months and have been friends for 6 months prior to our relationship.It was not the smoothest ride in the beginning as he was technically married for 7 months when we first got together. He has never lived with her since they were married and has lived in separate country. They have 1 year old child together and he told me from the beginning that his marriage was the result of long distance fling… And he had to take responsibilities for the sake of his baby,I was feeling really bad about myself and tried several times to break up with him as it was morally wrong for me. I had few sessions of therapy and professional help. I was suffering great deal about my feelings toward him and it was killing me from inside that I was sleeping with someone’s husband. I was even planning to get a new job abroad in order to leave him and start a new life, despite the fact that I was so head over heels with him.After 4 months together, he told me that he is going to get a divorce and asked me if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him…Looking back, apart from all heartache and conflicts it was the best relationship I ever had. He was caring, loving, and smart and we are very compatible. I do love him and ready to spend the rest of my life with him.The problem starts a day after he was proposed. I had a really tough time at work and there were more than handful of work related problems for me to sort out. I have not been sleeping properly for 4 days as I was so stressed and had to take some sleeping pills to get some sleep. The stress from work was bad; hence I had only 3 hours of sleep for 4 days straight. And now I don’t feel like I love him as much as I used to. It had been for almost a week now since I had this feeling. I don’t know whether it was because of work related or because I have fallen out of love from him. I do care and think about him a lot and we are now living together. Now, he is going abroad to get the divorce done in next couple of days!!Please advise, I am really confused. What should I do? Deep down, I know I do love him and I am very fond of him. I feel like the passion is dead and do not want to make the mistake by getting married to a man I do not love. It is unfair for both of us!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): If you feel like the passion is dead it is only one of two things. You are bored of him and chose him only because to you he is "unavailable" or you are in love and don't want to admit it. Which one, I don't know.
A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (16 August 2007):
Yeah, this is ridiculous. You haven't known him that long. That is probably why he is getting divorced now. Yeah he had family responsibilities and all that, but he probably didn't really know who he was marrying at the time. The same here.
This is a life altering decision. In the short time you've been together you've already contemplated leaving him and are now contemplating marriage? No, you must be sure that you will be happy too. I think he's just using you as an excuse (he might not know it, it could be subconscious) to end his current marriage. Don't be too nice to say no. This isn't just about him, it is about you too.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Number one, him needing to divorce his wife has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the fact that his marriage is obviously dead and he no longer loves his wife. Number two, while he's gone, you should consider taking off a couple of days and getting some sleep. Perhaps when you are not sleep deprived you will be able to see things more clearly. Number three, if you determine that you love this man and want to be with him, it doesn't mean that you have to instantly leap into marriage with him. I would wait. Continue the relationship but give it more time. You really haven't known each other long enough to enter into a long-term committment yet in my opinion, and that may be part of what's bugging you and making you question your feelings. Things are moving too fast. Once you've gotten some rest, and slowed things down, you should be able to know what you really feel for this man and be able to follow your heart. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): Hunny
Whooooo! slow down take a breath, your tired and that can mess up your body, Sleep deprevation is not nice and can give you all sorts of anxious feelings, plus you have only been together 4 months and its been a bit upside down with your feelings towards him been married, That seems to have really messed with your head hunny you didnt break them up, Im still married and have been living with my fiance for 18 months im still waiting for my ex to sort out the divorce 4 yrs later so rest assured you did nothing wrong ok.... Your work load has been getting more than on top of you, Im not suprised your all confused...
First you dont have to marry so soon you need time to get to no each other even though you've known each other 6 months prior you didnt live with each other and that can be hard to adjust to in itself, So much has happened in such little time, You need to spend some time stress free with each other as you said he is caring and loving, Your minds all in a pickle for want of a better word, You can spend the rest of your life with the one you love I just think everything has got so jumbled up in your head your maybe miss reading your thoughts....
What with all the pressure you've had, Before you decide try and get relaxed and concentrate on you unwinding let things calm down before you make your decition ok darling and then if you still feel the same way you will be more in control of your feelings and able to understand and cope better, It sounds like you want to run and not look back, after all that has been going on the passion may have just taken a back seat what with the worry of the divorce and your lack of sleep, work load, his work load the list goes on. You've had so much on your mind I do hope this makes sense and I hope this helps a little please take care of you LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): Just don't marry him yet. it doesn't mean you can't be together still. Lack of sleep can mess with your brain big time. Give it some time, don't do anything drastic. When things settle down at work you'll feel better. And he doesn't want to be with his ex wife anyways so the divorce ahs nothing to do with you.
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