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I feel like the laughing stock because I want boundaries

Tagged as: Dating, Flirting, Friends, Sex, Social Media, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 2 January 2019)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm wondering if this situation is worth breaking up over. Right now we're on the brinks because I'm mad about it. The guy I've been seeing for almost a year now is a hippie, I'm not, though i like to party with hippies sometimes. We had a brief split and worked through it. He came back to stay with me again. I asked him if he was ever going to change his relationship status back on fb, he hesitated but then did so. The next morning i noticed a chick commented "well hopefully she'll still let you talk to me". I asked him what that meant and at first he acted clueless but then later said his ex had an issue with the chick and him talking. It was dropped. But then i noticed one day when i was bored and surfing facebook that she posts a lot of half naked stuff and decided to look at his likes in a search. Tons of the photos were of chicks, mostly her and some other girl, and he commented a lot of dog stuff on them, like "nice tits" and "you're such a tease" etc. It was spread out over years so i just let it go. He started sleeping at completely different times then me for seemingly no reason and becoming what felt like cold towards me so i ended up doing the search again only to find he's liking on her pictures again. Mind you he doesn't often click like on anything of mine. I asked him why he's liking her pictures and he says she's just a friend. Then later when we were talking more he said he used to have a thing for her, which i already guessed. Then later after that he admitted to sleeping with her. Then when i said I'm uncomfortable with him liking her pics and brought up the comment she made before, he tells me that she got out of prison in november, he used to write her in there before meeting me, they talked about being togther when she got out but he loves me and told her that. I asked how often they talk and he tells me they once talked on the phone for about a half hour while i was at work. I asked what her comment was about and he said he told her I'm extremely jealous of other chicks. And when i said i don't care for this friend of his anymore, he said he's not cutting off his backup supply of pu**y if I'm not sure about us. Then i spent about a half hour feeding my anger with looking her up, finding a crap ton of half naked and topless (pasties) on instagram etc of her, learning they went to festivals togther where she was basically topless the whole weekend, she's a stripper etc. I just don't like her at all. He says she's not a threat because she lives am hour away but I'm pretty sure she's at all the festivals he attends. I told him to give me space. He keeps calling begging to work through things but he's always been the type to say something stupid. Like he said he felt the same way about her as he did me when we first met, except i gave him a chance, said she's not important to him but to please let him stay friends with her, and that after being with me for so long it's not as thrilling to see me naked as it is to see new chicks naked. He said if we break up he's not pursuing anyone and will just go sleep around with no feelings, but keeps insisting we stay togther.

He has me questioning whether or not I'm lame for being monogomus and if the things i do that make me feel good about who i am as a woman even matter to him, like making a home and raising my kids. He hasn't kids, neither does she, and he always talked like he couldn't get girls in the past, but I'm realizing anyone can get laid at a hippy fest so I'm feeling naive. He said the things he said were out of anger which were both bad about. I'm not mad that he has a past, but I'm mad that he's been talking to his old fling and badly about me to her to top it off. I'm losing hope in finding a faithful partner and feeling like the laughing stock of his friends and exes for wanting boundaries. I don't know what to think right now.

Is there any way to right things?

View related questions: at work, facebook, his ex, jealous, stripper

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2019):

Sorry but it seems to me he is keeping her on the back burner in case you break up. If he wanted and thought you was long term why would he do that?

I would not put up with this behaviour off my boyfriend but then he wouldn't be doing it in the first place

Kick him to the curb..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2019):

Funny I couldn't get past the "hippie" part. Is this 1969?

And are you really 30-35 years old? My advice for you is to lose this loser and grow up and face the brave new world of 2019. Hippie? Jeeze Louise.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2019):

Careful you don't get some STD's from him if he is sleeping around with so many other chicks other than you.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (1 January 2019):

Ciar agony aunt'he said he's not cutting off his backup supply of pu**y if I'm not sure about us.'

That's as far as I got. I just couldn't read any further.

He's a loser. Toss him.

It should go without saying...block and delete. Treat him as though he doesn't even exist.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (1 January 2019):

chigirl agony aunt"he said he's not cutting off his backup supply of pu**y if I'm not sure about ushe said he's not cutting off his backup supply of pu**y if I'm not sure about us"

Or, him not cutting off his supply of p***y means hes not sure about the two of you. It's very easy to stwitch this around to you being the one who's unsure, but it actually means he's not too sure.

I say in either case... He doesn't sound like a keeper. Unless you aren't in it for the long haul and he happens to be excellent in bed, in which case I say have fun in bed a few more times before you ditch him.

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