A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Man I feel like such a loser lately. I'm 22 years old, filled regret from my college experience because it was basically 4 years of stress/emotional suffering/extreme loneliness. I graduated with an ok gpa luckily, but so far I have no job (I've been consistently applying since I graduated), I have OCD but thanks to therapy it's much better now, I have no money but thankfully still living with my parents, I feel like I have no direction, everything I work at just goes to smoke or not taken seriously, people take advantage of my work ethic and loyalty, my motivation and ambition is draining by the second and I don't want to get depressed to the point of not being able to move because that happened during high school and it was a miserable time. And to top that off I've never kissed a dude or had a boyfriend. I just want a companion, someone to talk to, someone to talk to me; I want an emotional and physical attraction to someone. But let's be really the older you get the harder it is to jump in to the dating world for the first time (maybe I'm wrong idk). Anyway the point is, I feel like such a loser. I feel lonely, mildly depressed, drained, and incapable of doing anything right. I feel like a child who tries so hard at something but can never succeed without help. I know I shouldn't complain so much but this struggle has been going on since the beginning of college and I just need some advice or something.Thanks for your help.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 December 2014):
 Y're not a loser you happen to be one of millions of victums of an out of control "progressive" agenda that believes big government will fix everything. You can blame the economic models from the leftists of the planet that holds down personal achievement with heavy controls to limit growth and punish the achievers of the world at the expense of the others then complain when there are no jobs being given out.Lenin was not a thinker like they say he was.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (23 December 2014):
Y're not a loser you happen to be one of millions of victums of an out of control "progressive" agenda that believes big government will fix everything. You can blame the economic models from the leftists of the planet that holds down personal achievement with heavy controls to limit growth and punish the achievers of the world at the expense of the others then complain when there are no jobs being given out.Lenin was not a thinker like they say he was.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (23 December 2014):
You're still very young. My first relationship was when I was 22 (almost 23) and I have friends who were older than that when they got their first kiss. So don't worry about it. I know society makes you feel like we have to complete a list at a certain age to be considered a 'success', but you'd be surprised how many people don't follow the beaten path.
You're not a failure, you're not a loser. If anyone ever makes you feel bad about not having your own place or a steady job, they're narrowminded assholes. Staying at your parents at a time where you don't have financial stability is a smart choice. Plus, it simply is that hard to get a job these days, even if you have a degree. I'm 26 and at your age I was in the exact same boat.
Y'know, the reason the older generations just tell us to just "get a job" is because that's exactly what they did, and back then it worked. My dad just went to an company and asked if they had any jobs open. He lacked the experience and the credentials and he was hired anyway. For 20 years. But that's not how it works anymore and now he's unemployed too he's finally beginning to understand that.
These days, you gotta have connections to land you a job and even then it's hard. So don't beat yourself up over it. Just keep at it. Also try to broaden your horizon; maybe your degree allows you to do jobs you haven't yet considered. I did a lot of freelance work and some moonlighting to get by. I recently joined the navy and I'm basically set for the next 6 years. Of course the military is not for everyone, but it's something to consider.
Also, try not to become isolated. That's what happened to me when I was 20 and I got depressed and miserable. Try to exercise, maybe pick up some low lost hobbies or volunteering like suzzzque mentioned. Maybe you'll meet a nice guy that way.
As for making sure people don't take an advantage of you again, spend some time determining where your boundaries are and really define them in your head so that when someone crosses the line, there's no doubt about what's happening and then it's easier to be assertive. Studies have shown that tolerating bad behavior from others creates more of that bad behavior, because tolerating is basically rewarding.
No is a whole sentence. Never forget that. You don't owe anyone an explanation but yourself. For example, if people ask you to do stuff outside of your work hours and you don't want to/can't/whatever, resist the temptation to explain yourself. Because then you're giving that other person the power to judge whether they deem the reason to be good enough and that's no-one's business but yours.
So come on, keep your head up. You completed your degree despite your anxiety; that's something to be proud of.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 December 2014):
You're thinking too much... At 22 to be worried that you haven't found a boyfriend yet is not fair to yourself. You've been busy and you're currently in a situation where finding someone is difficult.
I would stop worrying about dating and just focus on getting a job. Once that happens you'll be in a good position to date. You'll meet guys you work with, your self esteem will be higher, and you'll have some money.
Maybe you need to change your game plan regarding who you're applying to or the level of job you're going for. I can't give you career advice but maybe you should find someone that can.
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A
female
reader, suzzzque232 +, writes (23 December 2014):
 is this field of study you can do volunteer work in? volunteer hours look good on a resume plus it gives you experience and a chance to maybe meet new people. even if you do volunteer work in a different field it atleast shows you have initiative!
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