A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I am on the verge of a massive break down and everything is compouding onto my chest. I was sexually assaulted 3 years ago by someone who I thought was a mate, 2 months later my badminton coach and close mate of my dads started perving upon me. When I finally got courage to go to my parents to tell them about it they screamed and shouted at me calling me a whore amd stuff blaming it all on me so much so my sister thought I was pregnant. I now have vaginsmus because of my past.Now whatever I do isn't good enough for them theyr'e stopping me from eating meals in the house. I eat one meal a day if I am at work otherwise I don't eat and they actually chucked me out a few days ago for having one item of clothing on the floor. Whereas my sister drops out of uni and has sanitary waste and stuff all over her room and shes fine. I get 2:1s and firsts in all my work am president of maths society represent the uni for badminton and work during holidays and it just isn't good enough for them. I just dont know what to do. I feel like I will never be able to have sex without feeling like I'm being stabbed. So here's my question... how can I ever see my parents as parents again? What do I do? I can't get things out of my head and it feels like I'm drowning in everything and my parents are just making everything worse - what do I do?I am back in house now on a trial period... trial period of what, I don't know. I just don't understand it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni wasnt offended by a hostel just i think stayin in the house is probably better idea, to a hostel
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): I'd just like to apologise for suggesting a hostel, when I completely didn't mean that! I was thinking of a foyer when I said hostel. Foyers are definately a better option.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): It's just a suggestion. Not all of them are bad, some are decent. I know a girl who moved out into a hostel because her parents treated her badly. She's much happier now.This may not be the case for you but you could give it a go. (if there are some near your uni or home).
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi yeh i live away from home at uni druing term time. but i get them on the end of the phone constantly doing exactly wat they did at home in a sense.
A hostel????
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): Can you move into student halls? can't believe im suggesting this either but maybe a hostel? There will be options available to you, you just have to find them. As you've tried to talk to them but there is still no change, so you definately need to be away from them. Maybe after time they will realise the effect of their behaviour. They need a wake up call! You should go to therapy, talking to a stranger will be much easier than you think. Try to get to know your aquaintances some more, so you can maybe in the future rent a house or flat with a few of them. (if you can find a part time job)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): If I was you, I just get on with my life and try to stay out of the parents way till I left university and got a job. It sounds like you will get a good job, so set your eyes on a bright future. I know it properly hurts the way your parents treat you, but some parents are awful so the best way to get back at people like that is to set out a great life for yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried to have a heart to heart with them i have tried all angles ive tried ignorin them. I've tried telliun them how it makes me feel. I tried screamin n shoutin at them nothing seemz to work. and with me being a student i have no chance of supportin myself during the holidays for a house.n things
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionam from an all british-white middle class family. no boy troubles that they no about i will never bring friends ofboy friends back to the house cause of them. I am meanttyo be starting therapy wen i go back to uni but am worried about startin it because there is so much i willl have to brng up and talk about to a stramger. my parwents dnt know im stasrtuin therapy. and am scared sabout going back to uni as my support network of friends will be gone. I have amazin friends at home were as i only really have aquantaces at uni atm havent got vclose enough to them i have talked to my friends at home about it they kinda found out wenn i broke down at work n was in such a state i was unable to work the rest ofmy shift and i ended up sleepin on my friends sofa for a few days wen i got chucked out but they dont really no how to help or wat to say. I'm 18 turnin 19 in june a 1st year uni student
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reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (17 April 2009):
 You're too old to be living at home, especially with parents like that. I suggest you scrape some money together, find a nice woman who wants to room with you and move the hell out. You have done nothing wrong and you will never heal from the pain you are feeling until you get away from the people who insist on treating you like dirt. It's time to spread your wings and fly away. Time heals all wounds. You will find a great counselor and talk through the mess. You will rise above the things that are haunting you, and you will find a great guy and start living your life for the first time ever. And one day, when you're all grown up, and have your life together your parents may become your parents again, and love will find its way back into their hearts. I wish you the best.
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reader, just wondering  +, writes (17 April 2009):
Wow that is a lot.Sexual predators seek out low self esteem people. So when you sense it, straighten your posture, pull your head up and know God does not make mistakes. No matter how your parents treat you know you are uniqe and as long as you stop letting people beat you down, sorry to say the closest to you who should love you the most the parents, you will wollow in self pitty. Watch a toilet flush cause if you do not make changes you going down. If you moved out why on earth move back in, and make sure not to have a relationship or he will probably be abusive. Its your life and its your time. You are a great person and move forward around the support you need. Churches have programs if the place you lived was bad before when you moved out.The heart to heart is a good place to start with the parents and have other arrangements made to move out explaining it is for you and you love them. Do not date tell you love yourself or you will trade sites but still have abuse
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female
reader, brogz +, writes (17 April 2009):
 yes i would have to agree with hear to help, i think u shud move out, if ur financially ready, u are being treated like utter crap, ur parents are the ones hu r meant to support u and b ther for u, i feel so awful for you. i thinkk u shud try and have a heart to heart with them, like try and sit down and talk, ino its gunna be so hard. tell them exactly wot uve sed in this, how u feel.. coz it sounds like ur extremly close to a break down, hope i helped hun..x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): If i'm honest - you're probably better off not living at home (if you can financially stand on your own feet). Your parents are being way out of order and should be more supportive of what you confided in them, especially as you have had a traumatic experinence before! Do they know about this? i'm not sure cos i don't know you or your family but it seems like they're favourtising your sister, when you're the one thats achieved a lot of things. They should be proud of you!! Even if they are going through a bad time this is not an excuse. I think you should try and ask them why, or if not confide in a friend or another family member that you trust. Another alternative option would be to go to counselling if you are not over what you've been through and I think you should also talk to him/her about your parents behaviour!! Good luck . Keep me posted. x
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