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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm a 23 year old female, and currently living at home with my mother and my brother who is nearly three years younger. I have a boyfriend who I've been with heading for four years now, only he lives 150 miles away so we see each other every couple of months, or whenever we can.Two years ago, I met a cool guy at a music festival. He is 41 years old (he would have been 39 at the time), but not your regular middle aged male, just an interesting, funny, nice guy. We got chatting and exchanged numbers and email addresses, and since returning home we've talked regularly as friends, but we only ever met that one time. The other day he mentioned that he had been travelling around the country and he was going to be in my area for a day or two, so would it be alright if he borrowed a spare bed for a night. I ran this idea past my mother and she said it would be ok, so I told him yes.However, the next day when I was preparing for his arrival, she started getting very agitated by the idea because of his age and the fact that I don't know him THAT well, going so far as to say all men are going to try it on with me in life and that I may get raped or attacked if I was left alone in the house with him at all. I tried to be as reassuring as I could, although I was irritated since she'd initially been ok with the idea. I do respect that it is her house and that parents worry about their children, however, so I just sort of brushed it off and told her everything would be fine.And everything WAS fine. I am not remotely attracted to him physically, I just like him very much as my friend. He was perfectly courteous towards me, too, and gave me no indication that he was interested in me in any way other than as a friend. He met my mother, we had some dinner, then we chatted for a while and went to bed, separately. Yesterday, I asked my mother if, were I to see this guy again some time with the intention of forming a better friendship with him, she would assume that I was attracted to him and planning on cheating on my boyfriend, and she said yes. She also said she would be concerned about HIS intentions, considering his age. We ended up getting into an argument in which she said some fairly unfair things. While I can see her point, and understand why she might be worried initially, I am an adult. I am perfectly capable of choosing my own friends, and just because they may not necessarily be people she would choose as her own friends, that doesn't mean that I have to think the same way. It is very rare in life that I find someone I really have time for, someone that I like and who is interesting and truly interested in me - I have friends, but they're not people I wish to spend more than a couple of hours with at a time. Without meaning to sound conceited, I am an intelligent, deep-thinking and fairly alternative person who doesn't always find enjoyment in the company of your regular 'average Joe' my own age. I am also much more comfortable around males than females and I believe it is possible for two opposite sexes to have a good friendship without romantic feelings getting in the way, but it would appear that my mother does not. And that frankly winds me up. I've never given my mother reason in the past to mistrust my intentions, I'm not rebellious, don't drink often or live an irresponsible life. I feel like she can't accept that someone would be interested in me for something other than my looks. I feel like the one time I make a really decent friend, she overlooks my pleasure in favour of negativity, perhaps because if it were her in my situation, she would behave differently. I feel like she's treating me pretty cruelly and has no faith in me whatsoever.Am I wrong?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 I am pleased that you were able to meet your friend
you are not wrong to think that you can successfully sustain a platonic relationship.
It would appear that you and your mother are on different wave lengths. With different outlooks on life.
The only proviso is that it is her home, and she makes the rules in her home. The rules may or may not be to your liking.
The solution is for you to leave home and go share a home with other people who share your values and attitudes.
Maybe your Mom has some trust issues due to events from the past?
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