A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:SORRY THIS IS A LONG MESSAGE.well, my best friend is in a huge amount of drama with her boyfriend and the boy she supposedly "loves". This drama has been going on for a couple of years now. Pretty much the boy she loves is a boy she dated a couple years ago in middle school. (they had a typical middle school relationship - nothing serious just holding hands and asking parents for a ride to the movies) she claims that back then she truly loved him and that she always will. I don't buy it. I don't think she ever loved him at all, but of course I never tell her this to her face.The issue is that she talks to him daily via AIM and thay claim that they love each other still very much. This obviously doesn't help her ex get over her. He is so hung up on her. She has a boyfriend whom she's wild about but she keeps her conversations with her ex a secret from her boyfriend.The problem for me is I feel like she is being a cold hearted bitch and is tormenting these two people she claims she loves dearly. She is emotionally cheating on her boyfriend and lying to him constantly and she is dragging her ex along by a leash so he can never get over her and move on. She's admitted that she never wants him to fall out of love with her because it would be "too hard for her to deal with emotionally." Keep in mind that she says this while she herself is moving on with her boyfriend of 10 months.Her ex and her boyfriend are friends of mine and it is killing me to have to witness this cruelty. How do I tell her she's being a manipulative bitch and is single handedly ruining lives without destroying our own friendship?
View related questions:
best friend, has a boyfriend, her ex, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (20 August 2007):
Hi,
What an honest, kind person you are. A lot of people would do nothing about this. You are right, you should do something, your conscience is telling you that. The best way to try to do it without losing your friend is to plan exactly how you are going to speak to her about this in advance. This is because if you just launch into something, it’s very easy to make things worse by saying something you didn’t mean. You need to plan what you can say if she is defensive or annoyed about it. Just tell her that as her best friend, and someone who cares about her, you need to tell her that she must choose between these 2 boys. Ask her to think about how she would feel if her boyfriend was carrying on the same kind of contact with an ex-girlfriend. You could also point out that if he finds out, she will lose him. Also, if her behaviour gets to be generally known, which it probably will eventually, she is going to be Miss Unpopular 2007. Ask her to let her old love go so that he can get on with his life like she is getting on with hers. If she does go mad and breaks up with you over it, then you find out that she didn’t value your friendship any more than she values the feelings of her 2 victims. Then all you have to do is tell the 2 boyfriends yourself, and you have done what you should. If you do lose your friend, you will find another one – there are loads of great people out there. But hopefully she will listen to you, and value your honest friendship like she should.
A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (20 August 2007):
You have to do what is right, by trying to make her do what is right. You might end up breaking the friendship, but otherwise, you'll be just as bad as her by standing around and doing nothing. Ask her how she would feel if you tried seducing her boyfriend.
You've got to tell her to make a decision. She cannot be with one guy and secretly keep the other one in her back pocket in suspended animation. The "first love" should have backed off and should move on. I guess we cannot bank on that one, so you'll have to work on her. If she doesn't see the light, tell the boyfriend. If you can do it in a way that doesn't tie it to you, all the more better. As long as he knows, he can make the decision and you fulfilled your duty.
Good luck.
...............................
|
