A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this girl for a little over a month. She wasn't sure of her sexuality but decided to try it out. We've had an amazing time together. She told me she sees me in a romantic way, is attracted to me, turned on etc. She's been so sweet to me and I thought it was working out. The first time we had sex, she initiated it and afterwards seemed fine. She even told me it was amazing, but then later that night starting thinking about things and was still "unclear". Since that night we've slept together probably 4 or 5 times, and she enjoyed it but said it was "different" and felt like it shouldn't be? I'm having a hard time understanding. We had a talk about it and realized that it isn't natural feeling because we are both scared, so we decided to keep seeing each other. The we slept together again and she freaked out AGAIN. She was crying saying how badly she wanted to be in a relationship, but just can't. She texed me the next day saying she was sad thinking about all the things we were going to do together and that she already missed me. But then later that night she said it isn't right for her and she's sure of it. I'm completely heartbroken because everything that she says/does has been so contradictory. All my friends seem to think she just needs time and is terrified but I don't know. I am so lost. She told me she's had this idealized life of marrying a man, etc...and I feel like maybe she just doesn't want to ruin those plans. I mean if I were to have sex with a guy it would be "different" for me too. It would take time. I don't understand why she would keep initiating it if she didn't like it. I really liked her and now I feel like a complete idiot. I guess I just need some advice. I feel like sex completely ruined everything.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 January 2010):
 As you said, she's not sure of her sexuality. She might be using you because she can't find a decent man. She might be in love with you, but trying hard to resist because she eventually wants to get married and have children.
The issue though is you. At the moment, she sleeps with you, but she makes no commitments to you, and rejects you in the morning. I have a rule about sex, you should feel proud and sexy when you wake up in the morning, you shouldn't feel rejected and sad.
This girl is confused and is hurting you. I think you should value yourself and stop letting her use you and then run away. Cut contact, tell her it's too much for you, and it hurts when she turns away as if what you did together was disgusting.
She'll either miss you and make a decision to be with you, or she'll leave you alone and go on with her plan to find a man to marry and settle down.
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