A
male
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anonymous
writes:I need help...and I hope you can help me! It is a bit long winded but I'll try and keep it short.In early Nov 2009 me and my then girlfriend of 3 years split up, well I guess you could say I left her!The reason for the split is as follows - earlier in the year she had got a new job which meant working further away from home, it was still commutable but meant she was out of the house from 7am-745/8pm. At the start she would bring work home a few nights a week, but as time passed she ended up working pretty much every night when she got home, and a lot of the weekend.Doing all this work invariably had an effect on our relationship, and certainly did on our sex life - in a bad way!Then it got even worse, she was lined up for another job internally (temporary but could become permanent) which was not commutable. It was an opportunity she could not turn down, and we discussed the various options that were open to us - it looked like I would initially stay at home (it was her house) and she would come back on weekends, but if she ended up there permanently I would either end up finding work there and joining her or she would sell her house and buy a place there (her work are paying her accomodation whilst it is temporary) and I would buy a place back at home and she'd continue coming home on a weekend.As the start date for her job became closer and closer I realised that the lack of quality time together was having a massive effect on us (e.g. we had not made love for over a month).I realised something had to be done, and I asked her straight "could she guarantee 'us' time when she came home on a weekend" - and she said she couldn't. So that was it basically...we were over and I moved out within a week.3 months have now passed and a few things have made me have a good think about things.1 - I have been spending time with an old flame and she has made it very clear she'd like a relationship.2 - I have started the process of buying a house.These two things combined have made me think, and even today I was thinking about things and ended up crying at work - I have decided that I want my ex back.How do I go about this?She is still working away, but I have been making an effort to keep in touch with her by text and email - I know she is busy so she is replying say a day later and I am being patient.Where should I go from here? How should I approach this? Please help....
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (28 January 2010):
What you need to keep in mind it that getting back with your ex doesn't change that the problems that were there before will be there again if you two get back together. So as far as any advice on that, I think she could at least spare an hour or so going out to dinner with you and sex during the weekend. Of course she's busy, but if she wanted to, she could make time. And I think that's why you left her in the first place; she could have chosen to prioritize or set at least a couple hours out for you out of 48 hours! So this means that like then, her work will probably come first now.
Also, the girl you're seeing now--it's someone else that things obviously didn't work out with and she's there out of convenience. It's pretty apparent that you don't want to be with her, yet she wants a relationship, so I think it's time to quit stringing her along. You and your ex only broke up barely 3-months ago, can you say: REBOUND?
So, I think you should spend some time alone and give yourself some time to heal. I think you're not feeling complete and you're wanting someone to fill that void, but someone else isn't going to do that; only you can. Like I said, I think your ex is going to prioritize you last like she did before and you're still going to be unhappy if you get back with her. You're not even back with her and you're stressing because it takes her a day to respond (which is because you're not a priority, meaning she gets back to you when it's convenient for her). Also, you're not that into the "old flame" that you're seeing now, so I would say to let her go so she can find someone that wants a relationship with her and I think you need some time to prioritize your life and get things straightened out.
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