A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been with my g/f about 5 months now and I really like and care for her but she keeps saying that she loves me and gets upset when I can’t reciprocate. I want to be able to say it but just know it isn’t true yet. Will this change for me? The trouble is, we are very different people – she needs stability and routine and is uncomfortable with spontaneity and last minute decisions and I am the complete opposite – I feel anxious and uncomfortable planning to far ahead and can’t bare the thought of permanent routine or stability and have very itchy feet to move around, see and do new things and to not be tied down by stability. I’m only 25 and she tells me I need to start thinking of being more serious and thinking of my future, settling down and getting a serious career etc. but I’m getting more and more anxious just thinking about that. There’s so much out there that I need to do and experience! Also, I don’t mind her family but she is always upset unless we are together all the time and I feel overwhelmed by it all and feel I am around them all too much (especially her brothers g/f who is far too pretentious and shallow as I think they all are a little bit whereas I don’t care about appearance and status etc.). I feel like my life is longer my own and she is getting more serious by the day, but at the same time don’t want to end it with her. What should I do? Many thanks! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Be honest with her and explain it to her as you explained it in your post. Also tell her that her behaviour might scare you away.
Also make sure you always use protection with her. Sometimes insecurities cause women to purposely set up a pregnancy - to trap you. I just had to say it, sorry. I know a couple of girls who have done that..
K.
A
male
reader, artian +, writes (11 March 2009):
 well, sounds like you got someone who likes you a lot and is infatuated with you. Love is mutual in my book and it has to be a two way thing or its not love. She might feel she loves you and is willing to put the commitment in. If you are there with her and feel the same fine call it love.Commitment does not, however, mean you have to spend every waking hour together. Just show commitment to each other. You can still have your freedom and be in a loving relationship. I would just tell her how you feel and relax and just be your self. If she really feels so strongly for you she'll be with you if you explain your feelings and intentions. Sounds like she is putting pressure on you but it sounds like she cares about you too. I hope its not obsessive.Sounds a little like a relationship I had when I was your age. She ended up really well off in a fantastic job and I realized years later I should have listened to her.If you don't want to end the relationship you have to pay heed to each other and listen whole heartedly to each other.On the other hand if you don't want any of it you can always move on. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): hmm sounds like she is too clingy for me and there are alarm bells all over. i had a gf like that and it was painful so a little difficult to try and be non bias.
You can talk to her - but she will be difficult to change - to change her, you have to boost her confidence and reassure her you don't need to be standing next to her all the time etc.
will you Love her - yes probably, if you arent co-erced into it...
hugs, star.x.
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