A
female
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*ab4life18
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years two days ago and now I feel miserable. I broke up with him because while I was visiting my sister in another state for 3 months I found out he was cheating on me with another girl. We were suppose to be getting married. when I came back home he lied to my face and said he was faithful but I knew he was lying because My own mother saw him french kissing the girl. also his boss is my stepfather and he would tell me how this girl was always coming to pick him up in his car and stuff. then he tried to convience me that they were lying so i tried to give him the benefit of a doubt until later that night i saw an email he sent to that girl. well now I feel horrible because we were together 4 years like I said and then he decides to betray me like this. I was pregnant but just got an abortion because I cant stand to see him ever again. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. How do I get the pain to just ease up because I know it wont stop anytime soon.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): You need to discuss this pain with a professional counsellor as such loss - your boyfriend and an unborn child - is a lot for you to take. My only advice to you is that you did what you could, you did all you could and you should never punish yourself. You had the courage to end something that was wrong and in many respects you should be proud of yourself because you know a bad relationship. Being cheated on is a body blow for the self esteem and you need to surround yourself with a support network of family and friends. Write a list of people you love and who love you and next to each name state how they support you and what it means to you. I did this during a really very low spell when I felt like ending it. It made me realise that there was more in my life than just my ex boyfriend. Give yourself plenty of healing time before jumping into another relationship as you are vulnerable and now is not a good time to get hurt again.
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (8 January 2009):
 Life is like a camera, it's what you focus on that will develop.
If you think only about him, you will feel pain. If you focus on something else, you won't.
I see some girls go from boys to boys when they get a break up just because they can't stand the pain of not being with their ex. By doing so, they concentrate on the current guy instead of the ex.
It's just an example to change your focus. I personally don't recommend this.
When there's change, there's opportunity.
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A
female
reader, Charlotte xx  +, writes (8 January 2009):
the best thing you could do is just try your best to forget about him. i know you loved him and i understand the circumtance that happened to last year. the way i got over him was to go out have a nice time with my friends and spend time with your family why not have some girly weekends go shopping and i know how hard it is but it does help.
x
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