A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i feel like my boyfriend doesn't really care about me. he says he loves me everyday but then his actions seem to say otherwise. now we're on summer break and we had been in diff countries so we hadnt seen each other in a few weeks and it always seemed like i missed him more than he missed me. when i have a chance to go out he is the first person i think of. ive seen him maybe twice in the last week but lately hes been saying that he prefers just hanging by himself and though he calls me every night i feel like to him, going out or just to see me is a chore. i do go out with my own friends and do my own thing but i feel like he thinks that im always available to him and that im being clingy. i always thought that when you loved someone you would want to spend as much time with them as possible and ive seen this with my friends who are couples and it hurts me that my bf would rather stay home with his computer and tv than spend some time with me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): hey,
im in the exact same position as you, except, both of us are 16. Hes my first boyfriend so obviously im very excited. our summer break end in two days, and he's been abroad for the whole month so we havnt spoken to each other. i feel i miss him way more than he misses me, and when he got back he didnt even call. i was the one to call, messgae saying lets meet, and when we met yesterday i felt i was clinging to him.
i no how much it hurts to not feel loved and cared for by teh guy, but he needs to realise how important you are. have you heard of the saying 'if you love something, set it free, if it comes back, its yours, if not, it never was?' i think thats what you need to do. Act like none of it (the relationship) matters to you for a few days, by not taking his calls immediately, making him wait desperatelly till you call back or message. He will begin to wonder why your running away from him- and will follow you. If he doesnt, he doesnt deserve all the time you spend thinking about him. THis is easier said than done at least for me cos i have loads of homework in these 2 days and i havnt done any, while he is so detatched that he manages everything. But i ges thats just a trait of guys- but thenn, why should the girl always suffer? try it out, dont run after him, dont call or reply to his messgaes for a day or two and c the result.
I realy hope it works.
A
female
reader, Jess1ca_1988  +, writes (8 July 2009):
don't beat yourself up, alot of young guys keep to themselves n r more into tv computers and video games n some guys never change lol so give him time n see what happens
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A
female
reader, Jane Dashwood  +, writes (8 July 2009):
I was recently in the same place you are right now. My now ex was/is a man that know all the right things to say like how much he loved me, adorded me, never could find anyone better than me. However, he never called except when driving from point a to point b, so he could end the phone call when he got ther.He never wanted to go out with. There were a lot of times I was speaking at him, he was sitting at the table across from me but he wasn't with me. I know for a fact that I felt like you do a chore something he had to do to tick off his to do list.I broke up with him. I can honsetly say that I am happier singal than I ever was with him. I'm planning a trip for my summer vacation with people who love me though they don't say it as often as he did, they show it more openly and honestly.I think you should go with your gut, action speak louder than words. Trust what your heart and mind is telling you you know what love looks like you've seen people in love and know how they act.Ask yourself this is this the actions of a man in love?And ask yourself one very important question that myself and many women forget is this disintrest what you deserve, or do you deserve better, are you worth it?The answer is yes by the way, everyone deserves someone who will love them honestly and completely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): I have been where you are. I was in a relationship for 4 yrs. w/someone who seemed to prefer being alone to being with me more than I would like. I think some people need a lot of space or down time. I felt like I wanted to be with him during my down time. His down time did not include me much of the time. It began to eat away at my confidence. Maybe that means I'm insecure, but I don't think so. We just had different needs.I did find out that during the time he was home with his computer he was looking at some porn and talking to some other girls. He wasn't really cheating, but it felt just the same. He was choosing to "be with" other girls virtually....but that's not exactly being alone, is it?I'm not saying your guy is doing any of this. I guess I would ask what the attraction is and to try to understand each other better. Even if it is just that he wants to hang out alone, it may not be something that will work for you. You may seek/need more togetherness. I did. I am much happier now.Good luck. I hope all will be well.
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