A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. The problem is it seems like he only sees me when he has nothing better to do. I cannot get him to agree to do anything at the weekends because he wants to wait to see what else is happening, plus he often changes plans at the last minute if something 'better' comes along (sometimes I am invited but mostly I am not). He also works till 9pm most nights and sometimes calls me at 9.30pm asking me to do something. If I had known in advance I could be ready to leave for 9, but when he doesn't ask until the time I would need to get ready and drive to his, meaning I don't get there until about 10pm. I have started to say no to these requests because I don't think I should just be available at his beck and call when he decides he is free, but now he is getting annoyed at me and we are seeing each other less and less. Is there any point in trying to salvage this? He claims I am always looking for faults with him to 'moan about' but all I am asking for is to be treated with some respect. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): Hi I am the question asker. First of all thanks for your replies everyone, if nothing else I am glad I am not the only one who thinks his behaviour sucks! As for the other question, it wasn't me who asked it but there are quite a few similarities. The main difference though is that I do usually see him most weekends at some point, he just waits to make sure nothing else is happening before he'll commit to plans. It annoys me because 1. It's insulting that I'm last choice, and 2. He has no respect for my time or the fact I might like to know before the day what the plans are instead of waiting in limbo. Thanks again tho everyone, I'll have a serious think this weekend I think and decide what to do.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 No, I don't think there is anything to salvage here. He's an extremely ill mannered and immature boyfriend.I think you'd have so much more fun on your own or with someone else.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 WHY expose yourself to his childishness?????
YOU can get on with your life... make your own plans... social with whomever you wish... whenever, wherever, however.... and - if he gets the drift that you've left his game and asks you "Why?".... you say: "Heck, you seemed to use me for your "fallback" girl... if, and only if, you couldn't seem to find anything better to do... and I'M 'way more valuable than that... and DESERVE a "boyfriend" who values me 'way more than you do.... and so I'll only be available to you - in the future - on no less than FOUR day's notice....."
If he gets the message... then you might agree to give him another chance with you.... IF'n he doesn't get the message... then you go on with your life... and spend it with guys who are smart enough to understand what a nice girl you are... and who DESERVE some of your time....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 If that other question is you, then your relationship is probably over. I'd start thinking about how to end it cleanly and line up all your supporters, your friends and family, to get over the split. It sounds like you spend such a small amount of time with him that it won't be too difficult to learn to live without him.
Good luck as you move on to your next chapter in life!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Is this you? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-never-makes-time-for-me-he.html
If you have told him how you feel there is not much else you can do if your demanding respect for yourself and the relationship is causing strife.
IT may be time for this relationship to come to an end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): Sounds as if things have run their course. What sort of relationship have you got left? I'd end it and look for some else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2012):
 And this is how he STILL treats you after 3 years? Why are you still with him?
He is taking you 100% for granted.
Not being willing to make plans with you for the week-end? That is ridiculous!
I would drop him and move on. I can't see there is anything TO salvage here.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Hi OP. Am sorry to have to say this but unfortunately it sounds like your boyfriend is taking you for granted, like oldbag mentioned at this stage of your relationship he shouldnt be acting like this. Maybe another heart to heart talk with him will help but if nothing changes then you know its a lost cause. I reckon you are right in refusing to jump everytime he makes his last minute arrangements and then you hop into your car and drive all the way to him at night on your own, does he even give you money for gas? It just seems he has it real easy doesnt he, why would he make an effort. I dont mean to be harsh dear but if he isnt making time for you and arranging for proper you and him time then maybe you should reconsider calling him your boyfriend. Goodluck dear.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Hi
He doesn't sound like he is making you a priority in his life and to be honest,after 3 years it should be 'going' somewhere by now.You don't mention moving in,engagement or even wedding plans so I assume its a stalemate now.
I would sit him down and ask him whats what, if you love him and want to be a priority then tell him, ask him where your heading. Don't be taken for granted anymore.If you doubt your feelings and don't want a future with him,then end it.
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A
male
reader, will5666 +, writes (19 December 2012):
Hi there
How about you keep a list for say a month and keep a note of how many times it happens and then you can show him and he wont be able to argue the case that he does this. But I would at least ask for 1 night of the weekend
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (19 December 2012):
 As you have explained it, it does appear you are only there to fill a void. You need to tell him. If he does not improve, you may be better finding someone else.
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