A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Recently my boyfriend seems to not be bothered anymore? He will call roughly once maybe twice a week but wont text or email. Fair enough but the moment he gets on the phone it feels like he wants to go already.We have had to become a ldr for now but hope to move together again next year.I have tried to talk to him about seeing each other each month etc but he just doesnt seem to care about being in touch anymore?So after all this kept happening i said we should probably end it, i feel like i am the only one in this relationship now and i dont want to wait around for him anymore, its not fair on either of us, so i said to have a week to think about it and let me know. (i said only a week because he has been unsure for nearly 2 years, its been long enough).But he comes back saying he doesnt want to lose me etc, and wants to try, so i am giving him another chance.i love him very much, i just want to know what you would have done or do now? im not sure what to think or feel anymore?thanks sorry its long
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): No, you should go ahead and end it. He's already been undecided for 2 years what makes you think that his latest "decision" is real. by now it should be obvious he's just keeping you as a back up while he goes about his own plans and he will say whatever he needs to say to continue this arrangement.
one word of advice: if someone appears for a long time to not be interested in you and yet has not initiated a break up, it's because they're keeping you around for other reasons known only to themselves. So you can bet that if you ask them if they want to end it or keep it going, of course they will say they want to keep it going (and then say whatever you want to hear so you will agree). You shouldn't be asking him what he wants to do at this point because he's already shown you for the last 2 years.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 IF you are not feeling supported emotionally and he's not rowing the relationship boat then yes you are right to end it.
IF he says he does not want to lose you tell him to put his money where his mouth is and stop giving you lip service and SHOW you what he means.
Let him know what you need from him:
I need you to call or text or email daily (or whatever contact you need...for me when we were LDR we had weekends together but during the week I wanted daily phone calls twice a day.. he did not but he sucked it up and did it for me)
I need you to: whatever else you need from him in terms of BEHAVIOR to make you feel like you are not alone.
Tell him he needs to provide these things CONSISTENTLY for XX time (at least two to four weeks in my opinion) before you will agree to stay with him.
then see what happens.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): In response to your question, "what would you do in my situation," well for starters, I would not be in a long distance relationship. I don't believe in them. A little distance makes the heart grow fonder but too much distance makes it fizzle away. It has the opposite effect.
I believe that if you love someone you should make sacrifices for them, for instance, I see no problem with one of you relocating to be together. The problem here though is that his heart doesn't seem to be all into it, and in order to make sacrifices in a relationship you both have to be on the same page. Maybe at one point it was but during that window, neither of you made strides to move closer to each other. He probably feels like this is a dead end thing leading no where. And can you blame him?
I get the feeling he is trying to get YOU to break up with him. And that is why he is calling less and acting "confused." I know it sucks but I would be practical if I were you. I mean do you really see this going anywhere? You can't even see the kid. Please don't beg or try to talk him out of it or anything. Be dignified, show him that you are in tune to his feelings and to reality, and cut the attachment. Maybe have a mature "break up" talk. I really think this is the most dignified thing you can do.
And definitely stay friends with him, that is if you really like him. I am certain he will respect that and appreciate it. Letting go is often the best way to test your love. And maybe someday in the future you both may cross paths again under better circumstances. You live and learn. In the future, try to stay away from ldr, they rarely ever work.
Merry Christmas! Enjoy the holidays
...............................
A
female
reader, pink90 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 You did do the right thing, I know how you feel my ex was like that, he never bothered to call/text me, never wanted to see me and in the end we broke up. At the time i loved him and knew we could work it out so we gave it another go, but he was exactly the same. so I got to the stage where I had enough so ended it. it was the best decision I made as I am a lot happier now :)
my advice, just be careful :)
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (19 December 2012):
 I think that you did the right thing in saying that you should probably end it. He has become despondant, calling only once or twice a week and he has been unsure for nearly two years and i think you deserve more than this.
I think he was always comfortable knowing you were always there, to go cold on you then pick you up when he wants. Then when you quite rightly gave him the decision to have a week to think about it he then come's back and say's he does not want to lose you. My guess is he will revert back to not being bothered again. maybe im wrong, you say that you love him very much, so give him another chance. But if he goes back to his old ways you have got to be strong and walk away from this relationship.
Good luck
...............................
|
