A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey agony aunts! Well im in this dilemma that has left me confused,stressed,worried at the same time i'm gonna try my best to make this simple. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now his my first love weve been through a lot and have made it this far. My boyfriend is the most caring man I know.I Love him so much and he means the world to me but recently things havent been the same I just wonder if we want the same things in life but when I do mention it to him he seems to be understanding and taking it into consideration but I dont feel like im his number one anymore , I feel he would put his friends before me. For instannce we were planning on to move in together to a diffrent area and we were all excited, but then as soon as his friend steps in and says somthing about moving to a diffrent area to work he agrees with his friend straight away then later tells me his only doing it to get money for us which i find really selfish. Am I wrong to think that? There's just so many things as well i'm on the verge of breaking up with him but I love him so much. All he does is drag me down (future wise) what should I do?I hope this made sense to you guys if you want to find out more just let me know :) (Mod note: I fixed some of the spelling errors and re-worded some things to make it make more sense)
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (22 January 2012):
 Those who can do..
those who can't - well I need to take my own advice it seems, and go back to reading the Roget's Thesaurus each night :)
Just saw my appalling spelling error (one of many - not hard to find)
and I quote from my answer to you:
"your spellign will improve " (Abella laughs at herself!)
spelling
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spelling (I will do the 95 in my on time)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): You can't always be number one to your partner, nor should you be. He should maintain some independent decision-making and follow what he wants even if it's separate from you. And besides in this case he had your future in mind too. But some times it's normal and healthy for your partner to put his friends before you. It wouldn't be right if he always put you number one all the time, for everything. That is a very unbalanced life. similarly you should not be making your life revolve around him. You should be cultivating your other friendships and having interests and activities that are separate from him.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (22 January 2012):
 You've answered your own question, you say
"My boyfriend is the most caring man I know."
That shows how he makes you feel.
Relationships are never rosy or easy but he seems to be thinking of your future by saying he is doing it to get money for you both, in a way that is providing a stable future and putting you both first.
You always wont be his number 1 because he has other responsibilities in his life to manage, which may take precedence but he does love you.
Dont give up on him and be understanding he's probably as stressed as you are!
Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 January 2012):
You have been sweet hearts a long time and I sense that he does care about you and feels very responsible for you. For instance choosing to go where he can earn more money for your future together is very responsible.
Guys do not always show their feelings but believe me they have very deep and strongly felt feelings when it comes to the woman they love.
It sounds to be that things are just a little more predictable and so it is time for you to do a little changing yourself and watch him sit up when you do.
For instance: a new hair cut and a new subtle (not too dramatic) hair change like one shade lighter (not 10 shades lighter :(
And a fitness regime to tone up a little, believe me he will notice that :)
And maybe take a course to learn a new skill in your spare time, if you have any spare time?
Write him a love poem telling him how much he means to you, or if you don't think you can do that then at least purchase a book of love poems and write a dedication to him at the front of the book and sign the dedication and give it to him - telling him that this book expresses how you feel about him
When you lift who you are then he will notice this and see you in an enhanced light .
He does not sound like he wants to drag you down if he is actively seeking our jobs to earn more money for your future together.
Beleive me men always enjoy their male friends. It is how they are.
But you are their very very special one beautiful girl friend who they adore and who is like no other.
Maybe also work on your own self esteem and think of what else you can do to improve that?
Make sure too that you and your boyfriend enjoy some dates to new activities or new places where his male friends are no where to be seen.
Visit a scenic place. Take a picnic lunch to have in the car.
Join a volunteer project and do some good in the community.
Take up a new hobby that gives you great pleasure.
and Talk to him and communicate with him regularly. Ask him his intentions. Ask him about his plans for the next five years. From the sound of things you ARE part of his long term plans.
But maybe you are just in a temporary rut?
I just noticed the Mod note too at the end - for that Purchase yourself a copy of Roget's Thesaurus and read a page every night. your spellign will improve out of sight in a month, using that regularly. Keep using it and you will never be lost for words for the rest of your life.
My Best Wishes to you
Abella
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