A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have felt for a long time in my relationship that my boyfriend is on the abusive side. He's never hit me but he shout's at me and makes me feel really bad sometimes (this happens if he is worrying about something or feels bad about something he's done and i feel like he tries to shift his bad feelings onto me). He doesn't talk to me very nice sometimes and when i have told him that he upsets me and i want someone who isn't as bad tempered, he will tell me but i do this and that and what not for you. I feel like I'm on eggshells sometimes and i find myself questioning my own mind. He will always find ways to prove that I'm wrong for wanting to leave him. What the hell is wrong with me? why am i staying? i don't understand my strange behaviour. I'm scared that if i stay he will treat me like this for the rest of my living days (we live together). ANY HELPFUL, advice anyone please.I'm a fighter so I'm not afraid to stick up for myself and I always say I'm leaving him when he treats me bad and iv'e acted on this before so this doesn't back up some of the abusive behaviour i have read up on because from the sounds of some of it the women don't answer back. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHANKYOU everyone for you brilliant answers.
I have been with him now for 6 years and all this time i have been saying the same thing over and over. I am now 12 weeks pregnant with his child.
Part of me is scared to move on because i have never had much confidence with put downs by everyone from a young age and for all my life so i'm finding it really hard to have good connfidence and faith in myself that i could cope in the wourld on my own in my own appertment (no were to live).
He even tryed to make me berlive that my sister and her boyfriend wouldn't put me up, when i said i was leaveing him again. I'm very wise so i can see right frew his act. My only problem is i have to much faith in others and to trusting and manage to put others before myself and berlive in the good things they tell me, (i noticed a pattern of a women beater) first he hits her, then it's the I'm sorrys apperntly, he didn't mean it and then reminds her off the good times they shared. My boyfriend does all of this but verbly.
The thing that made it hard for me was when his mom said you could end up with a'lot worse than him so it makes you question am i being over sensative? am i thinking i will find this non egzistnet dream man? I am really convuesd now by this
A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 I've been in the same shoes you've been in
and I stayed 13years. After 2 child , he says
he left me. Not before he killed my confidence
& self esteem. Don't think u are being selfish,
you're not!! Love yourself enough to leave before
He does more damage. Go with your instinct!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): I am very similar to you & I dont think that we are alone in this matter. I too am a fighter & I do answer back - I am an intelligent,attractive,popular young woman, who for some unknown reason seems to get involved with "badboys"...the guy i am involved with now is one of the most complicated people i have ever known - he judges me, on my behaviour,the things i say,wat i wear,- usually accusing me of being a flirt ( i am just friendly really, and yes i do sometimes flirt, but nothing so so bad) - i too feel like i am walking on eggshells,.and its getting worse,. the thing is, we have known each other for 20 yrs, tho we didnt see one another for quite some time,& he has suffered some life changeing experiences, i too myself often wonder why?
...............................
A
female
reader, Lina319 +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Leave him. Point blank. I was dating a guy for about a year, and altho he was a sweetheart, when we were on good terms, the minute our relations took a turn for the worst he became a complete stranger. He yelled at me, he called me names, he blamed me for his reactions, he said I was the one who instigated most of our arguments. Everything was my fault. Nothing I did was right. Yet he on the other hand was absolutely, 100 percent correct in his judgements about me. Or so he thought. I stayed with him for a year, I question why I did even while I was with him, and I still do to this day.
I realized that the reason why i tried for so long is because a part of me, i guess a desperate part of me wanted to believe that he would change, and that if I stuck it out with him we would get along better thus reducing the name calling and plain old fashioned verbal abuse, but I was wrong.
Dont stick around just because u have occasional good times, and he treats you nice, if you have to question yourself day in and day out if he cares about you, or even that what he says might be true, your in a bad situation then.
My ex did the same thing whenever I wanted to leave him, or just remain friends, hed find a way to brain f*** me into thinking some twisted bs. If your boyfriend has an anger problem, tell him to stick his moods where the sun dont shine, and to not bring all that nasty negativity to you, because you dont deserve it. Find a man who will make you happy and make you smile, not one who makes you feel like the guilty party.
LEAVE HIM!
...............................
|
