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*anaLyn
writes: I know my boyfriend from high school but after graduation he went to prison for 2 years. Before he went away he was so sweet and we were really good friends. Now that he is out, he is so mean to me. We have only been dating for 1 month and I feel like he hates me. When I try to confront him he gets mad but tells me "if I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't be with you." What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): I was so sorry to hear you are feeling this way.My boyfriend is doing a sentence of nine years. People do change in prison, they are surrounded by people who have done horendous things, they are often surrounded by a lot of negativity, and often a feeling of being out of control of their lives, they become quite selfish in the respect that they have to think of themselves and how to survive in an environment like that and it turns them cold.Im not by any means saying that is any justification for him treating you badly and that has to be addressed but im just trying to show you that its not you, its not that he hates you its just the way hes programmed to be for so long, they shut of their emotions, can you imagine if in prison they let their emotions overtake themselves they would be seriously depressed.
I think maybe you could write a letter to him sometimes its easier rather than him cutting you off in the middle of u talking he has a chance to read it all and think about it, tell him how much he means to you and that you miss the way you used to be, tell him positive things you think of him, but explain that the way he makes you feel isant making you feel good, and sweetheart be strong ,you are no doormat either if he carrys on tell him you love him dearly but hes making you feel bad so you have to go away from him, give him time to reflect im sure he will come back to you, he will realise what hes lost, believe in yourself, and set standards show you wont be walked over either,Pray aswell xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): i know how you feel... only my bf didnt go to prison.. when i first got together with my bf everything was great he was so nice to me sooo sweet to me and then it got further into the relationship... and things just changed he calls me names... but then says sorry and that he is just joking around!! i have asekd him before why are u even with me?? do you want to be with me... he says the same.. well would i be here if i didnt... and he never tells me he loves me without me telling him first or unless he is going somewhere.. i really miss the firstfew months of our relationship.. but i guess i love him to much to leave him...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): just leave him if he does it again and fond somebody who is better than him he doesen't really love you if he shout at you all of the time xxx good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): darling i am in the exact same position but my fella went in the army , the thing with me though when my freinds are complaining i give them advise but dont take it my self im 24 now an have been with him since 13 dont know what to do my self any advice for me
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reader, [email address blocked] +, writes (13 January 2006):
Move away quickly dont wait till you can say I should of listen to so and so. You can find alot of men to treat you like crap. Be happy please you only have one life dont depend on him to make it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): its one month move on quick and be a smart girl now instead of waiting to say i should of listened. theres plenty more that can hate you
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reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 November 2005):
 I'd walk away from this relationship right now. He has changed and is not the guy you knew and loved before. People change, prison or no prison, and if they become someone you don't like then move on. You haven't invested too much time so no real loss.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): Dear, he's not the same man you knew before he went to prison. Prison is 'not' a walk in the park. It's pretty hardcore and it can be survival of the fittest. He has become a changed man, as a result. Have you ever talked to him openly about his experiences in prison-to gain some insight and understanding, as to what he's been through? Sometimes the only way some guys can come to grips with events that happened to them-is to seek counselling. Suggest to him..to talk to a professional but realize he had a tough life altering experience and he may never be the man you knew, before he was imprisoned. If he cannot talk about this or heal from this-you may have to re-evaluate this relationship because his inner pain may continually be dumped on you and that's unfair. He has the choice to allow this to disrupt his life with you or he can choose to put it in the past and rebuild a loving, committed relationship with you. But talk to him and see if he'll seek help, first. Stay strong.
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (14 November 2005):
 Expect far more respect from him and expect to be treated decently.
If you are asking him for reassurance and he refuses to give it or if he isn't providing you with love and understanding, then he isn't worth spending time with.
Perhaps being in jail has changed him and made him incapable of responding properly and sensitively to the woman he is meant to care about but that really is no excuse.
Explain to him again how you are feeling and express that though he might be with you, it takes a little bit more than just his presence with you to maintain a relationship. If he isn't prepared to make the effort in the relationship, suggest breaking up and seriously think about putting some distance between you and this guy.
If he is willing to work with you to make your relationship better, then he may have to face whatever happened in prison and perhaps counselling will guide him to becoming the man he was before.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): He might have been beat and raped in prison. too much baggage, ditch him. by theway,go rent "shawshank redemption" will give you a much better perspective.
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reader, beenthere +, writes (14 November 2005):
tell him you think prison has changed him and you want the person you thought he was before and you don't like being treated like this. i know how you feel because my bf of 2 years used to be really nice and totally into me all the time. now the only attention i get from him is bad. you don't want to end up like that so tell your bf that he needs to show you some respect. whatever he says will make no difference to how you feel. it's what he does that counts
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