A
female
age
30-35,
*izzzy
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. I know it's still somewhat in the early stages but far enough in that we should know way more about each other than we do. He got a new job back in January with really demanding hours and I know he is exhausted but I feel like I've been put on the back burner completely. I gave it time and was patient for about 3 months ( we saw each other 4 times during that stretch). So I've gotten tired of feeling lonely and brought my feelings to his attention, but I feel like he either doesn't care or is avoiding the subject. So I guess my question is what your opinion of this is....I texted him how I was feeling and that we needed to talk. He agreed and we said the next week we would get together. He was super distant the entire time and didn't talk to me at all for like 5 days. So again I asked when we would talk and got no response. So after two weeks of trying to see him I simply asked if he wanted the relationship or not. All he said was 'yes' . After that he was still really distant and after that week I told him he needs to talk about this or we need to cut the cord. He said he wanted to work things out. When I tried talking to him again I got nothing out of it and his biggest concern was that I was cheating ( which I have never cheated on him). After a few drinks and getting upset I told him that I was drunk and crying and just needed him an his reply was 'y'. So the next day I just said he need to call it quits. After getting no reply after the day was over I just said "guess you don't care" because that's how I felt. Two days later he replied with " I do care, what do you want to do". So when I told him that I wanted to be with him but only if he feels the same way. Then I told him he needs to tell me what he wants and what his feelings are because I can't guess and assume, it's not fair to him, he said "I want a relationship". Then after telling him that we need to talk once again I get no reply.I guess in the end I can't tell if I should let him go and really end it or if this is some mind game he is playing. I just can't imagine that a guy wouldn't take a chance to run if he wasn't really into the relationship. My other thought is that he is scared and that's why he is pushing everything off and avoiding talking about anything. I'm just so confused and need someone else's thoughts... Thanks!
View related questions:
drunk, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lizzzy +, writes (9 July 2013):
lizzzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the ideas and insights! It wasn't easy but we did end up breaking up. I kept telling him that I needed more from the relationship and that I wasn't happy but it just kept turning into "No ill make time" and "we will see each other this week" and it never happened. I hated that I had to do it through texting but he wouldn't even take my calls. But his response was "well if that's how you want it fine." Guess that alone answered my questions.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (6 June 2013):
 HI
sounds like his seeing someone else and keeping you on the side just in case it don't work, he has you to be the fall back girl. you have given him plenty of time and space to answer a simple question. tell him to get lost and play his mind games with someone else. and I wouldn't contact him again OR give him anymore chances.
Mandy x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): What reason does he have for thinking you cheated on him? I think that's just an excuse really- he can't put in the effort a relationship needs and that you deserve. He's definitely distancing himself and he doesn't seem like a very caring or thoughtful person; you've told him you're upset, yet he's still being cold and distant, putting one word answers. If you care, you don't snub someone like that- there's no reason for it because you've been honest and upfront with him that you miss him and you're lonely, keep trying to see him, he's acting like a tw*t As for why he's distancing himself, maybe he's just overworked and decided he doesn't want a relationship ATM- but he's too gutless to tell you straight, maybe he's met someone else, maybe he wants to play around. Maybe he is truly paranoid about the thought of you cheating a d hes punishing you but it's still not fair. Breaking up with someone is always hard, but this has been happening since January? He isn't treating you right and this relationship isn't how you want to live right? Psych yourself up and cut the cord- arrange to meet, have a long chat and just say you can't live like it anymore. Post with an update :) take care and good luck! xx
...............................
A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (5 June 2013):
I have the same exact type of situation you do but with my girlfriend. She's the one acting distant.School, work, and things like that can definitely be very, very stressful on a relationship. They can create some very hard times. If he has to work long hours, he probably is indeed coming home exhausted and can't even think about anything except hitting the bed and passing out. That being said, I'm sure he has some time off. Weekends, evenings, whatever. There's no such thing as a job that literally takes up ALL your time. (Some would debate being a business owner does this, but even there, you HAVE to make time for yourself!)It can be so hard to get someone to reveal their feelings too. There may be a good reason he's being this way. Maybe something else has happened outside of work that's making him very stressed out. And maybe he feels nervous to talk to you about it. The best thing you could do is if you have any way to do so, get him on the phone. Voice works so much better than text. In person is of course the best way, but if that's totally impossible, phone is the next best way. You need to first help him feel comfortable talking. This can be a challenge in and of itself. One wrong move and you're toast. Believe me, I know, my GF does it to me sometimes when we try to talk things out - I say the wrong thing and... oops, conversation over, no progress made, try again later.If you can talk to him, suggest maybe once a month spending a weekend together, just the two of you. Also, decide how often you'd like to communicate. For me I'd say at least a quick text exchange every day, maybe a meaningful phone call a couple times a week, and some in-person event, even if insignificant, at minimum weekly. (This'd be like lunch at McDonalds or something not really date-ish.) Then, also, maybe suggest once a month you spend a weekend together - just the two of you. Pay attention to his responses. If he immediately gets defensive and makes excuses, you have to explain - carefully - that you're not trying to be selfish, that you understand he works and so on, but you also care about him and you care about this relationship and you want to work TOGETHER WITH HIM to make this thing work out.I certainly hope that you can save this relationship. However, you may need to be prepared to end it if he absolutely refuses to do anything. Good luck!!!F
...............................
|
