A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a very devoted wife. I cook daily for my husband, try to have sex with him daily, I even surprise my husband with lingerie, or cleaning house in the nude, but he never takes interest. When my husband and I dated he was a totally different guy, very affectionet, and every thing I could dream of. He use to hold me and I could just see the love in his eyes for me. Now I see nothing in his eyes. After the first year of marriage he became a much different man. Everything we agreed on between how many kids we wanted to where we were gonna lived changed. We agreed on having 3 children, living near family, and the list goes on. Months after saying "I do" he sayed he never wanted those things and thought I would change my mind. I feel like I've been cheated out of a happily ever after and feel like he has never truly loved even though he says he does. We have 1 child together. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (6 May 2012):
 Something is definitely going on with your husband. It sounds like you are the perfect wife in many regards and for him to change the minute the wedding rings were put on tells me something isn't right.
There could be many explanations for this. Perhaps your husband isn't liking the concept of marriage or feels tied down. Could he be suffering from mental illness or depression?
I think at this point, you need to consult with a professional to see what is going on. You don't give us too many clues in your original post, but if things are as bad as you suggest, I think now is the time discover which man you married: Dr Jackyl or Mr Hyde and then make a decision as to what to do next.
Hopefully you'll uncover the nature of his sudden and drastic change.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): it sounds like you both went into this marriage with totally different expectations
try to talk with him to find a common ground, a common vision of your future together that is acceptable to you both.
this will require you to give up some of your expectations of what 'happily ever after' means. but that is reality.
if you really can't find any common vision that both of you can live with, then it's best to dissolve the marriage because what's the point. (you don't need to be married to raise your child effectively)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 May 2012):
 Give him one opportunity to 'fess up and revert to being the man who you married. IF he sez "no way...." (as you tell us he has, in the past), then tell him that you are leaving and will be looking for that elusive guy who is the one who HE CLAIMED TO BE when you and he courted and wed.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 May 2012):
 I agree with YouWish,
Stop catering to him. Then have a long talk about the marriage and future. If you two can't agree, then what?
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (3 May 2012):
 If your not happy and feel cheated by his dishonesty tell him!
Being married doesnt mean happily ever after and people can change. Some get worse.
The thing is you guys are meant to *grow* together or you fall apart. He seems to have his own agenda , and if you want to be happy you need to tell him your feelings and try work this marriage out the best you both can.
Its a two way thing, you cant be a *perfect wife* whilst he gets his way; your giving too much away; and marriage is about equality, not superiority.
Be honest with him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 May 2012):
 Hmm...there is such a thing as giving too much. There's no such thing as "happily ever after". That is a fairy tale. It's possible to be happy in life and marriage, but that takes work, time, cultivation and balance.
I think you're doing too much for him. Sex every day, feeding him, sex in the nude, lingeree. How can he seduce you if you've got it more than covered? Letting air get to a fire will flare it up more. I say back off. If you've been having sex every day, back off some. I'm not saying to withhold sex. I'm merely saying that you should pull back some to fan the flames. Give him a chance to miss you. Give him time to want you. Example -- if you are constantly feeding someone, the sight of food will make them clutch their stomach and say "no more!". However, if you wait until they're good and starving, then you could give them a sandwich and they'll think it's the best food in existence.
Pull back some so that he has a chance to get good and hungry! If that doesn't work, and he's completely indifferent, you need to sit him down and tell him how you've been feeling. If he doesn't get it, maybe it's time for some counseling. No, counseling doesn't mean your marriage is over, but merely helps in communication.
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