A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I don't really think that my situation is special, but I'm really just unsure of what to do. For starters, I'm 17 years old. I started seeing this girl around December of last year and she says she really likes me. We had an official relationship going, but due to my fear of commitment, I told her I didn't want to be with her anymore. We've been on and off ever since. She calls what we are an "unofficial relationship" and that she wouldn't want an official relationship anytime soon. But I'm always just stressed out about her. I like hanging out with her and hooking up and stuff, but I guess I just don't really like her the same way that she likes me. Since we're unofficial, all my friends say it's okay to keep hooking up with her and hanging out with her, but I think it's wrong because she seeks something more than just a physical relationship and I'm afraid to hurt her, because I'm almost positive I will if I keep this up. I think that my desire to be physical with someone is the only reason this relationship is continuing and I just don't know what the right thing is to do. I've always been an indecisive person.I just needed the input of someone who isn't a teenager because even my friends that are girls agree that I should just go with it, since we're going to be graduating in less than 5 months. They say just enjoy what I have. But my conscience is telling me not to because I don't believe she just sees me as a hookup. If that's all I was to her, I'd be totally comfortable with it.Thanks in advance. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): erm just wondering how old is older in the older aunts reference....lol mal
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 You are more grown up and much more matured than your friends and understands the consequences ,while your friends still have a childish and irresponsible attitude.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 February 2010):
Your good friend conscience is telling you that this is wrong. Listen to it. It will have a damaging effect on her if this continues and then you decide to completely move on. You're a good guy. Stay a good guy and move on from her. your teenage friends are just interested in the sex aspect of it all, rather than the emotional connection.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 See, sex is not and should not be treated as cheap. Sex should be and must be with love. And, if you are sure that you are doing without love...then there should be closer... no matter how much other party want. It is personal alchemy.
It is specifically animal, unfortunately they are not capable of 'introspection', and is the reason we have term like 'animal type sex'.
Your question and honesty is admirable. Do sex, if you feel love, intimacy, intense admiration, and see it in long terms, if not than be frank and put closer to such relationship.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (21 February 2010):
Others may think whatever they liked or wanted but if you have a conscience, you should not go against it.
If you feel strongly about it , do not go against your conscience.
You will not only hurt her but will also feel the guilt yourself and will have no peace and tranquility inside of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): i agree with female anon, if you feel uncomfortable there is probably a reason. If you sense that you are going to hurt her, i would agree to follow your instincts. If you poll 100 people and they all say go ahead but your gut says no, you should go with your gut. My rule of thumb is if in doubt, dont. Good luck, i commend yo on you sensitivity and maturity. Mal
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): I think you have good morals and you should follow what feels right in your heart. I think you know this girl wants more from you than you are prepared to give and I also think if you do hurt her you will have trouble forgiving yourself as you do sound sensitive about people's feelings and this is good not bad....
I think a lot of people dont value others feelings any more and this is so sad, I once heard that when you have sex with someone you give them a piece of your soul, well just imagine if you are constantly travelling about giving bits of your soul away to many different people, will there be any left for the person you eventually fall in love with and want to spend your life with..... I may sound old fashioned though I hope not I just advise you to trust yourself...if you know and feel its not the right thing for you then dont be talked into it....guard your heart and your soul;......take care.....
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