A
female
age
36-40,
*indee
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and 3 months. i moved in with him a couple months after we were together. he is 30yrs old and lives with his mother. he used to work but got laid off do to work conditions. well now we have a baby girl together and i already had a little boy before i meet him he is great with both kids my little boy loves him he made me all these promises but i am yet to see any of them fulfilled. i dont want to leave him but he cant seem to get any responsibility! he does not work and if i ask him to do anything around the house he has some kind of excuse and things never seem to get done! i love him to death or anyways i want to believe that i do but i feel trapped and confused i feel as if i am raising 3 children instead of just the 2 i want him to grow up but it does not seem promising at all he wants someone to wait on him hand and foot i just feel like i cant carry on any more i want things to get better. but he cant even talk to me about it he sets up of anight till 3 or 4 than comes to bed and sleeps till 12, or 1 the next day than he gets up and set in his chair with the remote to the tv hollering what he want i dont wait on him hand and foot but his mom does. i cant even offered diapers for my little girl and i am just so tired of trying i dont know what to do and i am afraid that the decision i make on my own will only hurt me in the future how can i get him to grow up with out making him hate me. his mom is suppose to move in the spring do u think that, that will help him or should i just give up all hope and take my kids and leave him i dont know what to do my little boy is growing up and will never have the chance to know who his dad is because his dad didnt want him and turned his back on him befor he was born but my little boy believes that my boyfriend is his dad he even calls him daddy i just dont know what to do if any one can give me any advice i would really app... it God bless and thanx for any advice you may be able to give me
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female
reader, PunkyPippi +, writes (18 January 2009):
 Well, I wouldn't throw in the towel if this is your only issue. I know it's frustrating, and it sounds like you have yourself a momma's boy. It may get better when his mom moves, or it may get a heck of a lot worse.Don't cater to him. It's natural as a woman to baby the people in our lives, but you have an adult boyfriend, and while you can't make him do anything, you can choose how to treat him.1- Treat him as an adult. You've probably gotten into the habit of treating him like a child because he's acting like one. See him as a man and a provider, and nothing more.2- Make him treat you as a woman. Not a mommy, not his mom, etc. Don't go out of your way to do things for specifically him. If he wants a sandwich, he can make it himself. If he wants something washed or cleaned, or picked up from the store, he can do it himself.3-Talk to his mom and let her know how you feel. Maybe it will encourage her to stop treating him like her little boy.Is he looking for a job, or is he playing the stay at home dad role? If he did work, would you all still have child care?Good luck, honey.
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