A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years next month. The problem I have with him is he hardly ever tells me things he is doing and I feel that I am left out of a lot of his life. For example, this weekend I saw him on Friday night when we went for a meal. He mentioned that he had wanted to go to a music festival on Sunday but no-one wanted to go with him (he didn't ask me but I was busy anyway). However, I didn't hear another thing from him until this morning, when he text me back to tell me he had gone to the festival on Saturday with his brother and friend, stayed over on Saturday night and Sunday night, and had driven back (5 hour trip) this morning. I feel so stupid that he could go on such a big trip without even mentioning it to me. I feel so out of the loop with his life and that even after 4 years he doesn't feel he has to include me in any way with what is going on with him. FYI, I am not expecting him to ask permission or anything, but just to bother to tell me he was going away for 2 days since I am his long term girlfriend. I also found out that the girlfriends of his brother and mates were in contact with them so its not as if they just didn't think - my boyfriend actively stood while they called their girlfriends and he didn't call me. He has been talking about me moving in recently but I don't want to because I can picture him still doing things like this without telling me. He doesn't understand why I am upset, he said he told me he wanted to go so I should have taken it from that that he would if he got the chance. Am I being unfair by expecting to be included?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): Unfair? Of course it's unfair and it's upsetting. I would be upset and so would most girls. I'm sorry, I don't know what kind of game he's playing, but he's in the wrong- he knows exactly why not asking you is perceived as leaving you out , you're not a mind reader! I don't know why he didn't ask you exactly, you'll have to rattle the cr*p out of him and get to the bottom of it...
Even if he really didnt realise you interpreted it that way,(pretty unlikely) he should at least try and understand/ console you as you're upset- not get all stroppy and turn it back on you. He's feeling guilty about something, you really need to watch this guy... Don't let him trample over your instincts or you need them pretty badly! ;) or your emotions,
Take care! xx
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 June 2013):
 Hi
Yea he should really have mentioned he had arranged to go, I take it you didn't contact him over the 2 days either? He probably assumed you were busy too if you didn't.
I can see why your not sure about moving in, this communication business needs to be sorted. Its not because either of you need permission it's just something you do in a relationship. Share.
Definitely don't take the next step if your unsure, if he doesn't get why, that you feel left out, then think about whether your future is with him at all.
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A
female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (10 June 2013):
 After 4 years, there should be some things established, like I would like to know your whereabouts. There needs to be a serious conversation on what is and isnt acceptable in the relationship and then determine if from there if its what you want for the rest of your life. I hate to say it like this, but relationships should have rules and made known, so the other wont say " I didnt know you would feel like this". Good luck, and I think you are right for feeling this way especially after 4 years
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