A
male
age
36-40,
*rdinarymarine22
writes:the worst part of this all is my friends tell me if they had my looks and body they would be able to get ten times more girls when we go to the clubs, sadly i disagree. I feel i am the ugliest of all my friends and it pisses me of when they say all i need is confidence. they all can get at least 8 out of 10 girls with them not saying one word just standing hunched over looking like an idiot. im the guy at the club standing at a corner looking at my phone not talking to anyone finding ways to burn time until the club closes. It also hurts when my friend tries to introduce me to other girls. it hurts because she will be expecting someone to meet that looks like my friends, instead she will see my ugly ass. I wish i had enough courage to send a pic. Sry... and it also sucks when i ask them f they see me as good looking and they tell me they dont roll that way........well neither do i, i just want someones honest opinion because im too scared to ask a girl. someone help
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female
reader, nanie20 +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I don't know if you still have this problem but I think it happends to everyone. It get to that point where you don't feel out there or in you case good looking. I think you should change that before thinking dating work on your self. If you put your self down all the time people are going to do the same thing. Just keep a possitive attitude when you go out! Just show people that you're not the kind off guy that thinks his to good for others...
A
female
reader, cassiegal9 +, writes (18 July 2010):
ok 1st of all if ur guy friends r telling that they would want to look like you then obviously ur not ugly. just get out there talk to a girl just take a deep breath and do it. you'll b proud that u tried later. the more u keep trying the more u get comfortable with it.
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A
male
reader, coles85  +, writes (8 November 2009):
just look at these women (in you mind!!) like there are the most ugliest person you have ever met! sounds odd, but it takes pressure off! also, just have a mental attitude of, im not really interested in pulling women, and you find it easier to talk to them about anything! personally i have a similar problem, im one dimensional when i meet anyone, including women, i can only opened up with, SO WHAT SPORTS YOU LIKE?, luckly if shes a sporty gril im ok!good luck
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A
female
reader, dangerouslove. +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Ahh oh boy. It's not just about looks. Sure, a good looking guy is always a postive thing. But I know I won't even look at a guy twice, if he doesn't have a good personality to go along with it.We like guys that will be sweet hearts to us, and be respectful. Not a guy that has supermodel looks but treats us like dirt! We definetly do NOT find that attractive. I will admit, Some girls will only date a guy that is GREAT looking, but you know what? Usually those relationships don't ever last, and it's only because there shallow themselves!Just put yourself more out there. Self confidence is the most attractive thing! If you feel ugly, theres no need to tell the world, now is there? Be more outgoing! Make a girl laugh. Easiest way to win a girls heart.. Don't worry. Don't rush it. Somebody will come along, I PROMISE YOU!Good luck mate!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (9 July 2008):
I'm sure lots of people will say nice and sympathetic things so I'm not going to bother.
For god's sake have you heard yourself?
"I just stand being anti-social and looking like I want to kill myself and I don't know why girls don't like that... my mates introduce girls and I just know they hate me so I don't bother to make any effort."
You are your own worst enemy. I've met guys before who I thought were cute and the first thing they say is "yeah I'm sorry I'm ugly and useless, I know you're probably disappointed." and I say "Oh, well I wasn't, but I am now."
SELF PITY IS THE MOST UGLY THING IN THE WORLD.
If you don't feel attractive, frankly, no one cares. If you act like you feel attractive, no one has to know how you feel. It really is the way you act and not the way you look that matters.
Act like you have a back bone and see the difference it makes.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, PractiGal  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 You know what? Girls aren't that interested in looks.
Maybe this will surprise you, but the truth is that most girls will date a gorilla with a bad haircut if he's polite and has a good sense of humour. But a grumpy Adonis? Not so much. Ask your female friends (or even your sisters or grandmas); you'll see that, nine times out of ten, it's true. Girls like good personalities and the sooner you stop obsessing on your appearance, the sooner you can sort this out.
Let's first of all establish some boundaries, though. You're clean, right? You shower and brush your teeth? You wash your clothes now and then, so you don't look like some homeless guy shouting at a mailbox? Then you're right to go!
It sounds to me like there's something else going on. Either every single one of your friends is lying to you when they say that you're OK in the looks department, or maybe... you're shy? Angry? Introverted? Gay? Any of those things are OK and not an insurmountable problem, but I think you have to be honest with yourself about what's really going on and why you're so determined to resist meeting girls.
If you're sitting alone in a corner, twiddling with your phone and avoiding even the girls that your friends are ~bringing to you~ then you need to think about why you're resisting so hard.
Speaking personally, I'm an introvert, and I can't imagine a place I'd rather be LESS than a pub full of noise and people. It sounds like hell. So I don't go there. I meet friends elsewhere and when my friends want to go out to crowds and confusion, I have fun doing something else. That's me.
Now YOU need to work out what would make YOU happy. Let your imagination run wild for a minute. What circumstances would it take for you to meet someone you'd like to get to know? What would you say to her (or him)? Would they be younger? Older? Smart? Simple? What would they say back? What would happen then? Would you stay where you met? Would you go someplace else? Would it be True Love or something fast, fun and superficial?
Have you got a mental image of anything yet? Does it involve a pub, your friends, your mobile phone and a dark corner? No?
If not, then why are you still doing that? Why aren't you meeting people at a place where you want to be? In other words, if what you're doing now isn't making you happy, stop doing it. Think of other places to meet people, places that might be more suited to your personality. Bookshops. Cafes. Work. Sports. Picnics. Museums. Supermarkets. Anything else you can think of.
Now, if your Perfect Fantasy Meeting *does* happen to take place in a pub with your mates, what's different about your fantasy and reality? Toy with some changes. Go on a different night. Drink coke instead of beer. Decide to play some pool. Promise yourself that you'll find just *one* woman and smile at her during the night.
Make some small changes, or even some large ones. Be yourself and do your best to be having fun when you meet people, because you sure don't sound like you're enjoying the way you're doing it now.
Take care!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Hey,What exactly is it that you dont like about your looks? Is there certain features you dont like? What are they? Why does it piss you off when your friends say all you need is confidence? Is it because you dont believe them and you think they are just making it up to make you feel better???I dont think your friends are because honestly, confidence is the key! From your post you obviously dont have much confidence, so I would say that has a inclufence on you not geting many girls. Also I think its important for you to remember that looks dont really matter much at all in the grand scheme of things. I admit its important you are attracted to your partner but it does not mean they have to have super model looks. If a girl downs you turn ebcause she thinks you're "ugly" without geting to know who you really are then she is just exstremely shallow and you dont wanna be with someone like that do you? You deserve so much more.I think that the fact that you arel ooking for girls at clubs could be part of your problem as well. The clubbing scene in my opinion isnt a good way to find a gf. Alot of people who go are looking for one night stands or something casual. So what they are looking for is someone who is really really goodlooking, they dont care if you're smart, nice, have a good personality etc, they just want somoene to f*ck. Well thats the majority anyway, so finding someone who isnt like that is very very hard.I think you should try looking for a girl in a different scene where they can get to know you as a person and not just judge you on how good you look. Because lets face it, no one gets to know someone at a club. You cant have a conversation, all you can do is look at them and shout a few words hear and there, and dance. I bet you have lots of good qualities that make you worthy of so many girls!!! So have a think about what you like about yourself and focus on that. Dont focus on "faults" especially if you cannotchange them. And honestly in most "faults" there is always something positive. For example, some people think that them being shy/quiet is a negative and fault in them. But its not. Those types of people are brillient listeners so they are great for when someone has a probelm they need to talk about and need someone to listen to them. So overall, here are my tips- Challenge your negative thoughts. Read some books about confidence building. Look in different scenes to find a girl. Oh and here is maybe a short story that you might find comforting. Throughout all of school I never once had a bf. Not even oncee! I started to think that something was wrong with me, maybe I wasnt good looking enough.Yet now I'm a model and I know that I am pretty. When I go to clubs though I rarely ever get approached. So just because you dont get approached it may not be because you are ugly, it could be 1 of many other reasons. Maybe people feel intimidated by you. Maybe they think you're too good for them etc...
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