A
male
age
30-35,
*us210
writes:I have been in a long-term relationship (5 years) with a guy fourteen years older than me. We started dating when I was 16. I love him so much and he loves me. But I have been feeling lost lately - like I don't know who I am or what I want to do with my life. I feel like I've missed out on all the social growth and personal growth one experiences in the late teenage, early 20s years. I'm not very good at socialising or making friends easily and I feel like I've almost become defined by my relationship. I am a very strong, independent person but feel like I got into this relationship too early. While we are very much in love and I couldn't bear to hurt him or be without him, I feel like I don't know myself or my strengths. I feel as though he has been through those years of dating and friends etc and I haven't (this is my first serious proper relationship).I want time alone to be by myself and have experiences by myself and figure out who I am etc. I think that if I don't figure this out it will always come back to haunt our relationship and I could become resentful. I do love him but I don't want to look back on my younger life and feel like I missed out or regretful. I feel like we became too serious too early (for me anyway) and now it's impacting on us because he's already been through the years that I'm entering and I feel like I'm not doing anything by myself or for myself, if that makes sense? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 September 2010):
 i think u have to get to know who u are. I am thankful for my "stupid" years of youth and your relationship has robbed you of that. Have you talked to him about this? Maybe there is a way you all could take a break. if it would be too hard thenn simply try getting a circle of people to hang with that he is not part of. If u find that you would be happier single then u have to let him go as this would waste time for both of you. you may find that u are not missing much at all.
A
female
reader, sincerely.diamond +, writes (20 September 2010):
 I completely understand.
And there's only one answer, and that's to tell him how you feel.
He's already lived the years that you havent. you're young, and still have growing to do.
You know you love him, and he loves you.
But eventually, this will build up inside of you, and someday explode.
You should maybe go on a vacation somewhere, or maybe temporarily end the relationship.
To be this serious when you truely feel you aren't ready, will reflect badly on the relationship.
You love him, and as long as you keep that in mind, then maybe you should sit him down, and tell him exactly how you feel.
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